And Then Death Spoke to Him - bohmeh - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1: Back to life

Chapter Text

Summary

DARLIIING GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!

CW - Lots of grief and emotion in this chapter. Please be gentle with yourself and read only if you're feeling like to!

The italic parts at the very beginning are a direct quote from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I didn't write those, obviously.

“Avada Kedavra!”

“Expelliarmus!”

The bang was like a cannon-blast and the golden flames that erupted between them, at the dead centre of the circle they had been treading, marked the point where the spells collided. Harry saw Voldemort’s green jet meet his own spell, saw the Elder Wand fly high, dark against the sunrise, spinning across the enchanted ceiling like the head of Nagini, spinning through the air towards the master it would not kill, who had come to take full possession of it at last. And Harry, with the unerring skill of a Seeker, caught the wand in his free hand as Voldemort fell backwards, arms splayed, the slit pupils of the scarlet eyes rolling upwards.

Tom Riddle hit the floor with mundane finality, hid body feeble and shrunken, the white hands empty, the snake-like face vacant and unknowing. Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse, and Harry stood with two wands in his hand, staring down at his enemy’s shell.

And then a black veil dropped down his eyesight. A presence raised in his own head. A presence so ancient and vague and immense and so silent, and still, and firm. A presence like Death grasped his mind and spoke into his ear:

“I praise you for the righteous use of my Objects… and I acclaim you for ending that mortal’s vain attempts to elude me… I come, and I come for all… I shall reward you with what your heart longed last, and that it longed for so long… We will meet again…”

And it left him as suddenly as it came, without any trace, as if it had only been a dream. Harry blinked. Tom Riddle’s body was still lying there in front of him. One shivering second of silence, the shock of the moment suspended: and then the tumult broke around Harry as the screams and the cheers and the roars of the watchers rent the air.

The fierce new sun dazzled the windows as they thundered towards him, and the first to reach him were Ron and Hermione, and it was their arms that were wrapped around him, their incomprehensible shouts that deafened him. Then Ginny, Neville and Luna were there, and then all the Weasleys and Hagrid, and Kingsley and McGonagall and Flitwick and Sprout, and Harry could not hear a word that anyone was shouting, nor tell whose hands were seizing him, pulling him, trying to hug some part of him, hundreds of them pressing in, all of them determined to touch the Boy Who Lived, the reason it was over at last –

The sun rose steadily over Hogwarts, and the Great Hall blazed with life and light. Harry was an indispensable part of the mingled outpourings of jubilation and mourning, of grief and celebration. They wanted him there with them, their leader and symbol, their saviour and their guide, and that he had not slept, that he craved the company of only a few of them, seemed to occur to no one. He must speak to the bereaved, clasp their hands, witness their tears, receive their thanks, hear the news now creeping in from every quarter, as the morning drew on, that the Imperiused up and down the country had come back to themselves, that Death Eaters were fleeing or else being captured, that the innocent of Azkaban were being released at that very moment, and that Kingsley Shacklebolt had been named temporary Minister for Magic…

They moved Voldemort’s body and laid it in a chamber off the Hall, away from the bodies of Fred, Tonks… and Lupin?

The strangest thing had happened: Moony’s body seemed to have disappeared, leaving a hollow between his late wife and Colin Creevey.

McGonagall frowned. “Did someone move him?” She asked.

“No one touched him nor the others, Professor, I was standing by there all the time,” replied Neville, confused. “I haven’t seen anything strange happen.”

“This doesn’t make any sense. Maybe Peeves…?”

“He wouldn’t dare!” squeaked Flitwick.

And suddenly there were screams. Screams in the atrium before the Great Hall. Everyone went quiet and looked towards the uproar, on alert. Harry grasped the Elder Wand, tensing. Hagrid’s voice raised above the others:

“I don’t believe it! yer gotta be kiddin’ me! I don’t believe it!”

“Hagrid, please, calm down!”

Air left Harry’s lungs and his heart leapt, beating faster. He knew that voice. He knew it. But it couldn’t be…

“Yer alive! All of yeh! ALIVE!”

“Yes, yes, yes, we’re alive and we don’t know how or why, but can we discuss it later?”

“Where’s Harry, Hagrid?!”

It couldn’t be. He must have been dreaming.

Harry ran. He ran faster than he’d ever done, faster than that time when he’d gone for the Triwizard Cup back in the cemetery of Little Hangleton. He sprang towards the entrance, only partly aware of Ron, Hermione and Ginny following him. His heart was pounding in his ears, his mind recollecting those peculiar words he had heard no more than an hour before…

I shall reward you with what your heart longed last, and that it longed for so long…

It couldn’t be. It was impossible. They were dead. It couldn’t possibly be true.

He stopped just a couple of steps behind Hagrid and froze.

“Harry!”

“Harry”

“Harry…”

“Harry,” cried his mother.

They were all standing in front of him, looking incredibly alive and real. Lupin. Sirius. His father. His mother. And they were all staring back at him, smiling in the perfect depiction of confused happiness.

Harry heard Hermione hold her breath loudly. He sensed vaguely people gathering behind him; murmuring, gasping, staring. Harry couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. Harry didn’t have the strength to do anything. Because if he moved then he would break the spell and they would disappear again. They all looked exactly like they did when he was holding the Stone. Was he holding it right now? Harry clenched his hands and felt only the wand.

“What…” It was all he managed to say in a feeble voice.

“Oh, HARRY!” Lily was running towards him. Next thing he knew, his own mother was holding him tight in a breathtaking hug, sobbing violently.

Harry let himself be hugged and closed his eyes shut, indulging in the sensation, refusing to ask himself what was happening, inhaling his mother’s scent – it was familiar, oh, so familiar, so warm and reassuring, like putting on an old jumper after a long time and realising it still smelled the same as it ever did. That was Lily. His mother. His mother who died to protect him… who died, and yet she was embracing him with all her might…

Another pair of arms surrounded the two of them, trembling. Strong, softly nutty-toned arms attached to broad shoulders and a fit torso. A face sank into his hair and kissed his head fiercely.

“My boy,” whispered James, voice broken, “My amazing boy.”

And Harry collapsed. He felt himself cry even before bursting into tears. He didn’t know, he didn’t know, he didn’t know. He didn't know if he was dreaming, if Voldemort had succeeded in killing him at last and this was his way through the afterlife, if he was hallucinating because the shock had backfired on him, or whatever. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. He knew better than to care about all that nonsense. He was holding his mum and dad.

“You’re here,” he sobbed, without even trying to restrain his emotions, “You’re here.”

“We’re so proud… so proud…”

“We love you so much…”

And then other arms came, other two pairs: both long and slender, one with silvery scars all over and the other pale and elegant. Harry raised his head and met his godfather’s icy eyes, side by side with the younger and not-so-battered version of Remus Lupin. They were all crying their eyes out. He felt like his heart had grown wings and was about to fly.

“S-Sirius,” he faltered, reaching out to touch him. Sirius grabbed his hand and smiled, lacking words.

“Remus, I… I just saw you–”

“Dead?” he supplied with a broken smirk. “Yeah. We were all supposed to be dead, I believe.”

Harry pulled back and watched the four of them. They appeared younger than they should have been, all the same age, in that undefined limbo between twenty-five and thirty-something years old. Sirius didn’t bear the traces of Azkaban anymore and was just as handsome as could be. Remus was healthier and brighter as if his brief journey between death’s arms had lifted the heaviest part of his burden.

And his parents. His dad’s jet-black and messy hair; his warm, gleaming brown eyes; his generous smile; his long and straight nose; his all appearance being so like his, only a little bit more structured. His mum’s long, dark copper hair; her eyes, those eyes which Harry had heard so much talk about, Snape’s last words; her light freckles; her pretty cheekbones.

“Harry,” exhaled Remus, watching him somewhat greedily, grabbing his shoulders, “Did you get him? Did you defeat him?”

Harry nodded. “It’s over. It’s all over for good.”

“You defeated Voldemort?!” Sirius repeated as if he couldn’t believe his ears.

Harry nodded again. Lily shrieked, hands on her mouth and more tears in her eyes, and hugged him again. James just looked at him with such a proud gaze Harry thought he would start emanating light from within. They all hugged him again, cheering and crying a bit more, and Harry felt so overwhelmed by love that maybe, at last, he fully understood why Dumbledore insisted on saying that love was the purest and most powerful kind of magic.

“But how… how did you… how?” he felt all dizzy and light-headed, a feeling closer to the Felix Felicis-induced irrational euphoria. He still was unsure he wasn’t dreaming.

“We don’t know,” Sirius replied, wiping his eyes and smiling broadly. “We woke up altogether somewhere in the Forbidden Forest less than an hour ago. Last thing I remember I was fighting against Bellatrix down at the Ministry of Magic and she got me with the Killing Curse. Next thing I know I am waking up under the trees side by side with James, Remus and Lily. I thought I entered the heavens all nutters.”

“But you are all nutters, Black, what’s new about that?” James teased him with a grin, as if there hadn’t been eighteen years since the last time they’d shared a laugh.

Sirius laughed, shoved him playfully and hugged him for the thousandth time since their return, probably. Remus looked on the verge of tears again, and Lily was still clinging to Harry as if she feared he could slip away if she didn’t. Since Harry sort of feared the same thing, he didn’t have a reason to let go.

Then a loud sob reminded them they weren’t alone there, after all.

Harry turned around and the sight made him almost laugh. Everyone was staring. Almost every Hogwarts ghost was there. Peeves was hovering in silence. Hermione was crying, hands covering her mouth, arms around with Ginny, Ron was staring with his mouth open, McGonagall looked like she was about to pass out and Hagrid was still wailing; Mr and Mrs Weasley looked pale and shocked; Luna was beaming happily, and pretty everyone was at least flabbergasted.

“Hi everyone,” said James loudly with a bright smile, an arm wrapped around Lily’s waist, the other around Harry’s shoulders, side by side with Sirius and Remus, “hope we didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Is that Sirius Black?!” said Zacharias Smith, suddenly respawn from who knows where.

“Oh, shut up you moron, and go grow some brain!” spat Ron, pulling himself together. “Is that all you have to say about it?”

“And I was innocent, by the way.” Sirius supplied lightly, clearly not in the mood for resentment – not yet, anyway. He propped an elbow on James’s shoulder, smiling. “I’m here with Mr and Mrs Potter, am I not?” Professor McGonagall stifled a little cry at that sight.

“Yeah, but everyone knows that now.” Harry pointed out.

“Innocent about what?” Asked James curiously, turning to Sirius.

“About betraying you lads and murdering half of Godric’s Hollow.”

“WHAT?!” James and Lily shouted, shocked.

“Yep, that’s a twelve-years-in-Azkaban long story, but we’ll talk about that later.”

“You went to Azkaban?! YOU?!”

Sirius dismissed him waving a hand. “Later, Prongs.”

“Will someone have the courtesy to explain what we are witnessing?” Professor McGonagall demanded with her sharp tone, looking somewhere between a nervous breakdown and utter confusion, tears trapped at the corner of her eye.

“We just woke up in the Forbidden Forest,” Lily complied, her voice shaking, “we don’t know what happened. James and I just… I mean, apparently it has been eighteen years for us, and we’ve just discovered that Sirius, and Remus too… and we didn’t understand what was going on here…”

“I filled them in about that,” added Remus, “it’s been just a few hours for me, after all.”

“Forgive me for not being so welcoming,” Kingsley stepped forward and looked at them warily, “but how come the four of you returned, and only the four of you? So many people died these years and tonight. Your wife died, Remus.” Sirius stiffened at those words. Remus glanced at him in a sort of apologetic way, and James and Lily looked worried. Harry was at a loss. “How did it happen and why? Was it Dark Magic? I’m sorry, but we have just won this battle – thanks to your son, if you really are the Potters –, Voldemort is gone, and we have lost too much in the meantime to trust you without questioning. Unless you don’t have an explanation–”

“I think I do.” Harry said calmly.

Everyone fell silent. It struck Harry how they were all keen to listen to him without blinking an eye, but he wasn’t surprised. He gently unwrapped his parents’ arms and he too took a step forward. Everyone – James, Lily, Sirius and Remus, too – was looking at him again, waiting for him to speak.

“I heard a voice in my head, right after I disarmed Voldemort and his own curse hit him.” Harry continued, still calmly. “I didn’t consider it at first, it didn’t seem important, and I half thought I was imagining it because of what was going on. But I could feel the power hidden in that. It must have been something ancient, or arcane… It thanked me for defeating Voldemort and told me it would reward me ‘with what my heart longed last, and that it longed for so long’, or something like that.” Harry took a break to breathe in, glancing at his parents and their friends before resuming, “When I went to face Voldemort in the Forest, I saw the four of them. I saw my mum and dad, I saw Sirius and Remus. They all looked as they do now. They stayed with me when Voldemort tried to kill me again. I wanted them to be with me so much. I’ve been wanting to be with them for my whole life, and… and I think that was Death thanking me, and rewarding me by fulfilling my unexpressed wish and bringing back to life the people I’ve seen in the Forest. I’d have never imagined a thing like this to happen in a million years.”

The atrium remained silent. Lily took his son’s face in her hands, new tears running down her lovely cheeks.

“My dear baby,” she whispered, stroking him with an adoring smile, “You’ve grown so much.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, wetting Harry’s skin and dirt shirt, and that seemed to be enough for everyone. The crowd roared in unison and gathered once again around the Chosen One and his family and closest friends, cheering, weeping, singing. Everyone wanted to hug Lily and James, apologize to Sirius, greet and grieve with Remus. Harry was so tired, and yet so little willing to rest.

Hagrid risked knocking them down when he reached to hug them all. McGonagall very uncharacteristically burst into tears, Slughorn went straight to Lily and squeezed her. It took at least half an hour before everyone was satisfied and greeted the four of them. Eventually, Remus turned to McGonagall.

“Where is she, Minerva?” he asked in a hushed voice.

“In the antechamber beside the Great Hall, with the others,” she replied with a sad frown. She grabbed his arm. “I’m so, so sorry, Remus.”

He tried to smile but didn’t succeed. “It’s ok, she knew what she was doing when she came to join the battle. It was her choice, and I can’t blame her. I did the same for the exact same reason.”

“I came across her while she was looking for you. Did she manage to find you, at last?”

“Yes,” answered Remus, faintly. “She found me, said sorry for not being able to stay at home with… with T-Teddy – and then Dolohov –”

McGonagall patted him on the arm and Remus covered his mouth with his hand. He let out a very shaky breath. Sirius came close and stood by, silent.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I–”

“May I come with you?” Sirius asked him quietly with an expression that was both harsh and worried, but mostly worried.

Remus looked hesitant and sort of guilty again. He had more tears in his eyes. “Sirius, listen, I can’t–”

“No,” the other man interrupted him, “no, I don’t want... I just want to be there for you. We can talk later if you want. We’ve got plenty of time. Please.”

Remus stared at him for a moment; than he nodded, still bearing that cautious expression. They both entered the Great Hall.

“What was that?” Harry wondered out loud, still confused.

“Oh boy, here we go again,” sighed Lily, watching Remus and Sirius walk away and sharing a meaningful look with James. She turned to Harry, smiling. “We’ll explain later – or better they will if they want to. In the meantime, I think that someone is waiting for you, Harry.”

She beamed to Ron, Hermione, Ginny and all the Weasleys, who were all looking sheepish but clearly desperate to approach them.

***

The Great Hall was almost unrecognizable, Sirius thought while he was following Remus inside. Debris of stones, walls, beams and others of undefined nature scattered the room. Some of the windowpanes were broken, letting more morning light in. There were people sitting or lying here and there, in shock or wounded, others running up and down the Hall, in and out, fetching so-and-so, or talking. They all gave way to them while they headed to the antechamber, still not talking. It was unbearable, and yet he had to bear it. He had to be there for Moony, he wanted to. Sirius had to walk a couple of steps behind Remus, had to respect his silence and detachment, had to respect his desire to pay homage to his wife and mourn her. His wife. He had a wife. Remus Lupin had a wife.

Sirius came back from the dead less than two hours ago and his heart had already been broken.

The antechamber was quiet and dimly lit. About fifty bodies lay on the stone floor, all lined up neatly and respectfully. The gap that Remus had left was clearly spottable. There were a few people saying goodbye to their loved ones, crying silently, murmuring, lulling sweetly.

Nothing could have prepared him for the shock that hit him when he saw whose body Remus was kneeling beside.

For Remus went and knelt by the side of Nymphadora Tonks.

You married Tonks?! You married my cousin?! Are you f*cking kidding me?! Sirius wanted to shout. But he didn’t. He’d have stayed put. He’d have been there for him. That was much more important than everything else. He was hurt, he was confused, he was angry, but it all would have had to wait.

When he had realised that Remus had died, that morning, he might as well not have been resurrected at all. Even with Moony right there in front of him, in the cool shadows under the tree branches, Sirius hadn’t been able to think of anything but You died, never mind me, oh Merlin, you died. Nonetheless here they were. Alive once again, both of them – the four of them, for Godric’s sake. Who cared if Remus had been married until that day. Who cared if Sirius had been dead for barely two years. Who cared if the first thing that Remus had done when they had opened their eyes was scream, fly into him, hold him so tight he had thought he had broken his ribs, kiss him senseless, tell him he loved him so, so much.

Who cared. They were alive again. Remus was suffering. Sirius had to be there for him. Case dismissed.

Sirius pushed his feelings down, knelt beside Remus and sat with his legs folded beneath him. Remus was looking at Tonks with a face like thunder, eyes dark, mouth shut, jaw rigid. Sirius looked at her too.

He experienced something similar to sorrow and it was pretty much it. After Lily and James’ death he didn’t know how to properly grieve anymore, as if his capacity to mourn had all been sucked out of him on that Halloween night or in the following twelve years he’d spent in Azkaban. He quite liked Tonks: she was kind, energetic and cheerful – with an obvious crush on Remus who was still a taken man back then, even though nobody knew. Sirius was sincerely sorry that she died, in his mind. His heart had given that matter up almost eighteen years before.

“This is all my fault,” breathed Remus, straining to hold back tears. “I should be the one still dead.”

Sirius didn’t say anything. He knew Remus too well to try and stop him from spiralling when he was in that mood. Better to let him vent.

“I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve to come back like this. I deserve nothing, nothing, I…” Remus hid his face in his hands again. “I’m such a horrible man.” He cried at last, in a whisper.

“No, you’re not,” replied Sirius, unable to hold back anymore. “Come here.”

He leaned and hugged Remus softly, wrapping him in his arms. The man held him tight and started weeping silently against his shoulder. His hair brushed Sirius’s jaw. He rested his cheek on Remus’s head and stroked his back gently. He didn’t care if someone would see them. They could all f*ck off. To see Remus suffer like that was another form of torture.

“I am,” replied Remus in an almost inaudible, broken sob, “I am, because Dora is dead and all I can think about is that I’m in your arms and I could melt on the spot. I’m horrible to both of you.”

“Shh… shh.” Sirius’s heart stopped for a second and then resumed beating faster. He kissed Remus’s hair lightly. “It’s ok Moony, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not. How can you even want to be here with me, after–”

“You perfectly know how.”

“You should be mad at me.”

“I’m going to rip your head off,” assured Sirius, only half joking, “just not now. Let’s take care of you first, hm?”

This made Remus cry and hold Sirius even harder. He kept murmuring awful things about himself as if diminishing himself could make the pain more bearable. Sirius didn’t let go and closed his eyes, a lump in the back of his throat. He inhaled Remus’s scent and his breath steadied. They were alive. He was in his arms. He’d told him he loved him. Everything was going to be fine.

“Sirius.” Remus called him from against his neck, sending shivers all over him. “There’s one more thing.”

“And that is?”

Remus breathed in. “I have a son.”

“Yeah,” he sighed heavily. “Yeah, I figured that out.”

Sirius left the antechamber in desperate need of something to smoke - a pipe, a cig, a spliff, whatever –, and emotionally exhausted.

“Pads.” It was James, waiting for him outside the doors along with Lily and Harry. “You’ve been there for ages. Everything ok?”

“Yes,” he replied only. James raised his eyebrows. “Well, he feels like sh*t and wants to stay alone for a while, but I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. C’mon, we’re alive and Voldemort isn’t, I’m no longer wanted and I absolutely refuse to be down in the dumps. Let’s go see that son of a bitch’s body, shall we.”

“God, Sirius, when did you become such a foul-mouthed?!” Lily said with a grimace.

“You clearly have a short memory, Evans.”

“You’ve never sworn in front of me before,” Harry mused with a smile.

“Well, I was trying to be a good godfather, wasn’t I?”

James laughed. “You literally taught Harry his first swear word.”

“Did he?!”

“Oh, yes,” assured Lily heartily, “and you wouldn’t stop repeating it.”

Sirius grinned. “Oopsie.”

“What was that?”

“‘Bloody hell!’” James, Lily and Sirius said in one voice. “I told you it was a spell, and you constantly tried to steal a wand to try it out,” added Sirius, and they all burst into laughter.

They walked outside the Great Hall, spotting the room where they had put Voldemort by the little crowd outside of it. It seemed people wanted to witness his death over and over, and /or make sure he’d stay dead.

Harry didn’t want to come in. “You go,” he said, “I’ve seen enough of him for a lifetime.”

It seemed only fair. The three of them entered the chamber, and there he was, lying casually and uncarefully on the ground, so insignificant and shrunken in his dead body. Lily grabbed James’s hand and her bright, green eyes widened, breath short and quivering. James had gone pale and rigid. Sirius stood by their side.

“So he’s dead,” said James, quietly but fiercely. He also was shivering lightly.

“All thanks to Harry, mate,” added Sirius proudly. “Thanks to your son. Your kid’s amazing, I mean it.”

“f*ck your arse prophecy,” hissed James, starting at Voldemort’s face. Tears of rage and shock began to surface in his eyes. “f*ck your f*cking arse prophecy, you bastard.”

Lily squeezed him and James, too, started to weep silently, eyes closed, breaking Sirius’s heart once again. His best friend dived his face in Lily’s hair and held her close.

“It’s over, love. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over…” he repeated while he rocked her sweetly, trying to cement in their brains the concept that Voldemort was really dead.

“It feels so unreal,” said Lily in a tiny voice. “It’s like Halloween happened just a few hours ago…”

“I understand what you mean,” nodded Sirius, not tearing his eyes off Voldemort. “It’s like time hadn’t passed at all. I don’t feel it.”

“Me neither.”

“But it has” replied James, wiping his eyes. “Time has passed – and as you said, Sirius, we’re here and he’s not. This is what you get if you mess with the Potters.”

Lily laughed nervously and raised her heels to reach and kiss James. Sirius tried to grin, but poorly succeeded. He had already apologised to his friends over and over in the Forbidden Forest, as soon as he saw them lying there with him (right after Remus’s love assault), and they both rejected his pleading for forgiveness. He couldn’t help feeling guilty and responsible for their death and for condemning Harry to being an orphan who had to live with his dreadful aunts, completely cut out from his world. It was a heavy feeling that sat at the bottom of his stomach, a so well-known burden. Sirius was determined to make up for his mistakes even if they insisted he made no one. He couldn’t bear to face that grim look that shadowed James’s eyes without acknowledging his role in putting it there. That certainty burned harshly in his chest, a reminiscence of a feeling he used to be very familiar with and that used to pace his Azkaban cell alongside with him.

They were approached by a small group of people who entered the room. They started chatting, spilling some detail about the now-called Battle of Hogwarts: Snape died (‘Good riddance’, James and Sirius shared the thought with a knowing look), and so did Bellatrix Lestrange for courtesy of Molly Weasley (he ought to thank her later, Sirius noted to himself); the Ministry was hunting down Death Eaters as they spoke. They kept telling how brave Harry had been throughout that night, making James and Lily smile broadly with pride. Everyone seemed to revere the Potters and to be eager to show Sirius their sympathy for what he had endured in all those years. He replied with a cold smile. He was not yet willing to focus on that, but it was just a matter of time. Rage would come and it would demand justice, and some formal apology from the Ministry of Magic was not going to suffice.

Eventually they got out, finding Harry where they had left him, talking to even more people. When they spotted his parents and godfather, however, they smiled fondly and walked away. Luckily everyone seemed eager to leave Harry some space to enjoy his re-found family – even his friends kept their distance, for now, probably waiting for him to join them.

Sirius eyed his godson carefully. He had already seen that Harry had grown up and had become taller (he was just a couple of inches below James now), a fine young man with a deeper, wiser and somewhat calmer gaze. He was clearly exhausted, he had dark circles under his eyes, but was far too excited to rest.

“Are you alright, Harry?” he asked. They started to walk towards the huge entrance doors to enjoy some fresh air and sunlight.

“Yes,” he nodded, smiling tiredly. “I’m just… It’s just a strange day, that’s all.”

Lily stroked his arm. “Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?”

“Not yet,” replied Harry, quite apologetically. Sirius had noticed that he hadn’t called his parents ‘mum’ or ‘dad’ once yet, as if he was still struggling to acknowledge they were for real. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” said James promptly, “we’ve just begun to hear what you’ve done today. You’ve been through so much, Harry. In fact, if you’d like to sleep a bit–”

“I want to stay with you,” Harry replied quickly. Sirius smiled and hugged him by the shoulders, and his godson smiled back along with his father.

“I bet you’d like not to be surrounded by this many people all the time, eh?”

“Nah, I don’t mind. They’re staring at you lot as much as at me for once, it’s a nice change.”

“Oh, we could do with my Invisibility Cloak right now,” sighed James.

Harry came to a halt and smiled slyly. “Actually…” He fumbled under his robes and pulled out the Cloak. James’s eyes widened.

“My LOVE!” he shouted, stretching out a hand to touch it in utter adoration.

“Thank you,” said Lily, rolling her eyes playfully.

“But how did you get it?” James asked, still amazed. He leaned to kiss Lily’s temple absentmindedly.

“Dumbledore handed it to me in my first year.”

“Amazing! And have you been using it?”

“All the time.”

“Baby, our son’s perfect,” stated James, nodding fervently.

“I already knew that, thank you very much.”

Sirius nudged Harry. “Is there a chance you also have the other thing with you right now?”

Harry laughed. “Hold on, Padfoot.”

He pulled out the Marauder’s Map and James totally lost it, starting to jump up and down with delight. Lily laughed brightly and Sirius laughed, feeling so overjoyed he could explode. There was no reason to be down in the dumps at all.

But surprises weren’t over for that day.

They had almost reached the entrance hall, which was momentarily empty. The sun had risen completely and was near midday; its light flooded the grounds outside Hogwarts, casting a peaceful gleam all over. Even though some portions of the meadow had been devastated by the battle – there were missing chunks of soil, the earth had been cracked open in some areas, burnt by curses gone astray – the atmosphere out there was quiet and glorious and smelled like late spring. Sirius fought the urge to change into his dog form and go have some fun.

The group was about to go outside when a figure came up from the main staircase. It moved in a strange fashion, half limping half crawling, as if it couldn’t walk properly. It covered the last steps with unstable, faint footsteps and immediately fell on its hands and knees. Harry, the only one in possession of a wand, pulled it out quickly. They all scurried over.

It was a young man. He was drenched, his silhouette shiny from all the water. He looked somewhere between his late teenage and his early twenties, with dark hair that appeared even darker for being so soaked. He had a slender figure and pale, elegant hands with long fingers, as a pianist’s, now claw-shaped and curled as he stood prone on the stone floor. His robes and hair were dripping on the ground, creating a puddle beneath him. He was breathing with clear difficulty, his ribcage expanding desperately, craving for hair.

The young man raised his head. There was a confused, haunted gaze in his light grey eyes. He looked broken, lost, hopeless.

Sirius stopped walking abruptly. He knew him at once. The air became lead in his chest. He felt as if he was watching that man through the eye of time, going back further and further – and he was now looking at two haughty and wealthy teenagers who couldn’t stand each other … boys… kids…

Sirius knew him.

He was his brother.

Chapter 2: Tales of paralysis

Chapter Text

“What?!” snapped Sirius harshly. “Has hell begun to spit its scum back out, now?!”

“S-Sirius… please,” stuttered Regulus Black, still fighting for air, his eyes jaded “I… must speak… to Dumbledore…”

“Dumbledore is dead, as I believe you’ll be delighted to learn.”

“No… it’s vital… the Dark Lord…”

“Wait – isn’t that Regulus Black?!” James took off is glasses and rubbed them on his jumper.

“Sirius’s brother?!” gasped Lily, “I thought he was dead!”

Regulus tried to reach for Sirius to pull himself up, but his older brother withdrew with a disgusted glare. “Stay away from me, you rat,” he hissed, furiously.

Harry retrieved quickly from the shock – that day seemed to be all about various forms of resurrection, he thought – and pushed his raging godfather away from his brother.

“Sirius, no.” he said firmly, “Leave him be.”

“Harry – he’s a Death Eater! He used to kiss Voldemort’s arse! What–”

But Harry shushed him with a hand and helped Regulus to his feet in front of his parents’ astonished eyes and the confused, still fuming Sirius’s stare. The younger Black looked almost as he appeared in that old Quidditch photo: he still resembled his brother, but had shorter hair that, when dry, would curl around his ears, eyes that tended to grey rather than the icy blue of Sirius’s, a slightly hooked nose and a slightly weaker jaw, his all appearance recalling the eerie allure of that wasted, consumptive beauty model that the muggle Nineties had stolen from the Victorian London era – but maybe that was just because Regulus looked like he’d almost drowned. Oh, Harry realised suddenly, wait a minute…

“Regulus,” he called, “Did you actually drown in that lake?”

“How… how do you–” started Regulus, taken aback. Then he shook his head, as if deciding that whatever he was about to say didn’t matter anymore. “No, I… I was trapped – but there’s no time for this! I must warn… I know his secret… the Dark Lord… make haste…”

Harry took him by the shoulders and met his eye. They were almost the same height, Regulus a little shorter. He seemed about to faint. He must have been exhausted.

“We know about the Horcruxes, it’s all over, ok? Why don’t you let us take you to the–”

“It’s over?” Regulus interrupted him. He seemed to regain a little sense and looked at Harry with a more alert gaze, as if he had recognised him somehow. “Who… who are you?”

“Harry Potter.”

“Harry?” panted Regulus, confused. “But…” His glance passed Harry’s shoulder and spotted James and Lily other than Sirius. Something seemed to click in his mind.

“What year is it?”

“It’s 1998.”

“… Oh.” He stopped breathing. The feeble trace of colour on his face disappeared. Regulus passed out.

Harry struggled to support the wet weight of Regulus’s body. Both James and Lily hurried over to help him while Sirius kept staring at the scene with multiple levels of astonishment.

“We have to hide him for now,” panted Harry while he and James held Regulus by his torso.

“Harry, what’re you talking about?!” barked Sirius. “He is–”

“Not who or what you think he is,” finished Harry. “I know, alright? And I’ll tell you, but first…”

“Cover him with the Cloak,” urged Lily. “Quickly, before someone comes over. Then you’ll need to levitate him to the next empty classroom and evocate a bed where we can lay him.”

“Sounds good,” nodded James approvingly. “Then we can go fetch Pomfrey or whoever…”

They laid Regulus on the floor and Harry executed a quick mobilicorpus after covering him with the Cloak. He had never attempted to evocate something as big as a bed before, but he was still carrying the Elder Wand so it wasn’t a big deal. Then he left to look for Ron and Hermione. Ron, especially, seemed pretty relieved to be provided with some distraction from Fred’s death. He and Hermione followed Harry immediately, both thrilled and a little worried to discover that Regulus, too, presumably had performed a resurrection act. That story ought to stop at some point. Again, Harry thought that day seemed to be all about the most unimaginable things, starting with his conversation with Dumbledore at King’s Cross. He was beginning to get used to it.

The trio fetched Madam Pomfrey, McGonagall and Kingsley, who, as temporary Minister for Magic, might have quickened any kind of legal action regarding the former Death Eater. Remus found them on their way out the hospital wing and tagged along. They didn’t give too much detail not to repeat the same things over and over. When they returned to the room, apparently James was trying to put Sirius off strangling his brother while he was still unconscious.

“Jesus Christ, isn’t that…” started Remus, bewildered.

“Bloody Regulus, yeah,” Sirius finished with a grimace. “My baby brother,” he added for Kingsley’s benefit, as he was the only one who hadn’t known the Black brothers back in their Hogwarts days. Madam Pomfrey went immediately to Regulus’s side and began to dry him with a heat spell.

“Regulus?!” repeated McGonagall, “but didn’t he die around 1980?”

“In 1979, precisely. We all thought so.”

“And isn’t this boy far too young? I remember Regulus was just a year behind you at Hogwarts, and – I’m sorry, Sirius, but I’m pretty sure I recall he was a Death Eater.”

“He was,” replied Hermione quickly, keeping her voice low. “But we’d discovered more bits of the whole story, recently.”

And the three reported what Kreacher had told them about his young and beloved master. Harry and Hermione exchanged a look and a thought: they ought to inform the house-elf and manage not to cause him a stroke somehow. In order to explain the full extent of Regulus’s actions, they also told the others about the Horcruxes and their role in defeating Voldemort. The more they talked the more the others went pale and their faces turned worried. When Harry explained what a Horcrux was, McGonagall took a seat, a hand on her chest, and Pomfrey looked on the verge of sickness.

“So this is what you three have been doing all this year? Finding and destroying all the fragments of Voldemort’s soul in order to make him mortal again?” the Professor asked, thunderstruck.

“Yes,” replied Ron, “The ones left, at least. But it was Regulus who started it, even if no one knew.”

“And you are trying to tell me that Regulus discovered Voldemort’s most lethal secret almost twenty years ago? Even before Dumbledore himself?” said Sirius sceptically, an eyebrow high and haughtily arched. Lily shook her head behind his back.

“Here.” Hermione took her trusted sequined purse and pulled out a piece of parchment, clearly too exhausted and short-tempered to endure Sirius’s drama. “Some evidence. Harry and Professor Dumbledore found this in the cave along with the fake Horcrux.”

Sirius took the parchment and lowered his head to read it. Harry saw his knuckles whiten and his posture change. He knew the words passing before his godfather’s eyes by heart. To the Dark Lord. I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more. R.A.B.

“There was a locket,” recalled Sirius, voice low, his gaze unfocused while remembering Grimmauld Place, “in that cupboard up in the drawing room. An ugly one, with an embossed snake… we didn’t manage to open it…”

“Correct,” confirmed Hermione. “And after you… I mean, after the Ministry…”

“You’re allowed to say I died, Hermione, it won’t unalive me,” said Sirius with a rather dark smirk. “At least I hope it won’t.”

“Well, yes, after you died, Mundungus raided your house and sold the locket to Umbridge–”

“To Umbridge?!” Sirius, Remus, McGonagall, Pomfrey and Kinglsey almost shouted, horrified.

“Who is Umbridge?” whispered Lily in Remus's ear. He shook his head, delaying the explanation.

“… And we had to track her down, and break into the Ministry again.”

“I remember that,” said Kingsley.

“Well, anyway, the point is that Regulus was no longer true to Voldemort’s cause, Sirius. He was determined to finish him, or to damage him in the very least.”

Sirius tutted. “Maybe he was, but you haven’t grown up with him, I did, and I remember how obsessed that stupid little brat was with all those bullsh*ts about blood purity and wizard supremacy when we were at school, and what he did–”

“Are we really going to judge people for all the stupid things they did in their school years, Sirius?” said Remus with a meaningful look. Sirius went immediately silent, as if those words had struck him particularly hard.

James spoke, “Listen, mate, I understand why you want to hate him, I remember him too and he was a right git, getting the Dark Mark and everything – at bloody sixteen, as if the Mark itself wasn’t bad enough – but if he got who Voldemort actually was at last, and decided to turn his back on him for good–”

“Usually,” drawled a cold, sarcastic voice behind them, “if you speak directly to the person concerned they can provide you with the most useful insight.”

They all turned, caught off guard. Regulus had his eyes open and was trying to come to a sitting position. He still looked exhausted, and Harry thought his gaze mildly resembled Sirius’s when they first met – restless, almost possessed, even though Regulus lacked his brother’s mad fury and was instead sort of numb.

“Water,” he said, hoarsely. “Please. I need water.”

Madame Pomfrey conjured a goblet and filled it with Aguamenti. Regulus took it and drained it eagerly. The process had to be repeated five more times. Harry went back to that night with Dumbledore almost a year before, when the Headmaster had drunk the potion in the basin… he remembered how thirsty the old wizard had been, just as Regulus was now… Could he possibly be still thirsty after nineteen years? As if that were not enough, Regulus’s stomach growled fiercely and he sighed, both embarrassed and resigned.

“My apologies,” he murmured. He looked at Sirius and tilted his head gracefully. “Hello, brother.”

Sirius pursed his lips, arms folded, eyes sharper and icier than ever. “Regulus.”

“Well, I’m relieved to notice that at least you are past insults now.”

“For now, and you should thank Harry, Ron and Hermione for that, since they are the only reason why I’m ready to believe you turned your back on Voldemort and the Death Eaters, and for Kreacher…”

“Please leave Kreacher out of this,” Regulus replied. He looked around, ignoring Sirius for the moment. “Hello, Professor” he nodded to McGonagall, “Madam Pomfrey. And I believe I don’t know you, sir…?”

“Kingsley Shacklebolt,” he introduced himself with his deep and soothing voice. “Temporary Minister for Magic.”

“How do you do, Minister.” He needed to reconsider the impression of him he’d got back in Grimmauld Place, Harry thought, because Regulus outshined Percy's pomposity like, times a zillion. Even though he was pretty miserable at the moment, he looked like he embraced the rigour and decorum his birth demanded – quite the opposite to Sirius.

Regulus proceeded to scan the rest of the group, probably to try to understand the situation rather than taking time. He looked quite puzzled.

“So,” he resumed, matter-of-factly, “it is 1998, isn’t it?”

“Yes. May 2^nd of 1998.”

“If it is 1998, then why do the four of you,” he pointed at Sirius, James, Lily and Remus with his chin, “look in your prime? And why is there a sort of Potter’s doppelganger with some intentionally mismatched features?” Ron chuckled at that and shrugged apologetically.

“I’m going to kill him at this rate,” muttered James darkly.

“Get in line,” replied Sirius.

“James and I died almost eighteen years ago,” Lily went straight to the point, face blank. “Thanks to your former master. ‘Potter’s doppelganger with some intentionally mismatched features’ is our son Harry.”

That shut Regulus up. “Oh.”

“I died too, two years ago,” added Sirius.

“You died?” repeated Regulus, taken aback. “I am sorry. I mean it.” He sounded genuine.

Sirius blinked. “Well, you’ll be even more sorry to hear that it was by your beloved cousin Bellatrix’s hand.”

“W-what?”

“Oh yeah.”

“My goodness. I mean, I’m not surprised, knowing Bellatrix’s way, but–”

“And I died last night, to keep you updated,” finished Remus, bitterly ironic. “I reckon you know Dolohov?”

“Well, again, I’m sorry, but it wasn’t me who did it, was it?” replied Regulus, eyebrows up, “And I can’t help to notice that you all look quite alive.”

“We tell our story if you tell yours,” Lily cut short. “Harry and his friends have already covered your bit until your return to the cave with – what’s his name, Kreacher?”

Regulus nodded, paler than before, and studied Harry, Ron and Hermione. “It sounds reasonable. I will tell you everything, but first – Harry?” he spoke directly to him. “Is it true what you told me before I fainted? You know about the Horcrux and, here I quote you, it’s all over?”

Harry nodded. “Horcruxes. He made a few, actually. But it’s true, Voldemort is dead. All of him.”

“The Dark Lord is dead?!” repeated Regulus, eyes wide and shiny. “Did Dumbledore defeat him at last?”

“No, Harry did,” offered Ron. “A few hours ago. Professor Dumbledore died last year.”

“You did?!”

“Yes… I got help, though.” He smiled brightly at his friends.

“Oh, mais naturellement it would have been a Potter, what was I thinking?” Regulus muttered to himself sarcastically. Harry saw Sirius roll his eyes. “And you know Kreacher, is he still alive?”

“Yes. We’d thought of summoning him, but – er – we better wait a bit,” said Harry glancing at Sirius. His godfather still ignored the role of the house-elf in his death.

Regulus fell back on his bed, breathing heavily and blinking at the ceiling while he took all the information in.

“The Inferi were not placed in that lake to kill the intruders, but to trap them,” he spoke at last, quietly, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “When I went to drink from the lake they took me and drag me underwater. They continued to drag me to the bottom of the lake. I, in my semi-vigilant status, thought their aim was to drown me in order to make me part of the army of the dead. I did not try to defend myself or use magic. I…” Regulus cleared his throat. His eyes were vacant, but gleaming. “I had accepted death. I loathed myself for joining the Death Eaters and embracing the Dark Lord’s vision. I intended that as my atonement”.

Hermione gasped and grabbed Ron’s hand. They were all listening in complete silence. Sirius was still holding his arms; his knuckles had gone white again.

“I nearly drowned. I was almost unconscious when I thought I hit the lake bed, but instead I sort of… crossed an invisible barrier, and it was it. My cage. It was a sort of large hollow, a portion of the lake bottom. Above my head, a glassy sheet blocked the water. It was almost total darkness, there was just a dim, greenish light that silhouetted the Inferi passing above me. And then my hell began”. Regulus’s voice was dull and feeble now. He sounded like he was speaking from afar. “At first I thought it was merely torture, a way to elongate the Dark Lord’s opponents’ pre-death agony, but I soon discovered that time was not passing for me. I was not allowed to die. I was trapped down there. Magic didn’t work. I called and called for Kreacher until I realised I could not reach him or anyone else. What was worse, I was still able to feel my physical needs without being able to comply with them. The thirst, the thirst caused by the potion… it was still there. It has been there until now. It was… it was terrible,” he said faintly, voice trembling. “It would have driven me insane, except I was not allowed to go insane either. Sleep, thirst, hunger… they were hunting me. I didn’t know hunger could be so unmerciful. I… I almost considered trying to eat myself at some point, both to stop the hunger and end my life…” His voice faded away.

“I know the feeling,” said Remus in a gentle, sympathetic tone, while Regulus’s stomach growled again. Harry wondered why he hadn’t asked for food yet, but maybe he just grew accustomed to it.

Regulus pulled himself to a sitting position again and looked at Remus up and down with a discerning stare. “You are Lupin, aren’t you? Sirius’s boyfriend.”

An utter, dense silence filled the room.

“His what?!” cried Harry and Ron, eyes going from Sirius to Remus and vice versa. Sirius was covering his face with a hand, and Remus had pinched his forehead between thumb and index.

“Was it a secret?” asked Regulus, alarmed. “You used to snog in the corridors all the time while we were at Hogwarts, I thought–”

“THEY WHAT?!”

“Recently it has been a secret, thank you very much,” hissed Sirius, cheeks vermilion. It was the very first time Harry saw him blush.

“So – wait, is it true?!” said Harry, flabbergasted, looking at everyone in the room. Kinglsey looked positively stricken, but McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey seemed not impressed at all – and his parents were actually laughing!

“How can you be so calm?!” Ron turned to Hermione.

“Oh, er… Ginny and I kind of figured it out when we were staying in Grimmauld Place…” she replied with a tiny voice, flushing. “But it was none of our business, so–”

“You… you knew?” breathed Remus, somewhere between being completely embarrassed and surprised.

“Well… yeah. A couple of times we caught you holding hands–”

“… sh*t.”

“– And this one time, after we just got there, Ginny and I couldn’t sleep because the house was giving us the creeps, and… we heard a noise and saw Sirius sneaking into Remus’s bedroom… I’m sorry!” she added quickly, flushing even harder.

James burst into laughter and patted a very upset Sirius on the back, eyes watering. “Merlin, you suck at getting away with it as ever!” he boomed.

Lily slapped him gently on the back of the head. “Stop being such a prat while your friends are freaking out!”

“I am sorry, I am sincerely sorry,” whined Regulus, hands in his hair, “It was a candid mistake–”

“Too late, it’s out now. Listen, here’s the deal,” Sirius turned to Harry, Ron and Kingsley, eyes darting, face and neck still patched red, “I’m also into men, Remus’s also into men and we were in a relationship. End of story. Now, my dear brother, kindly resume your tale.”

“Yes, please,” backed Kingsley with a tired sigh, “I, as well as Minerva and Poppy, are needed elsewhere.”

“Just one more question,” hurried Harry, turning to face Remus. He was almost too stunned to speak, and not because two of the people he loved most in the world were also into men. He’d learned in his very first weeks at Hogwarts that the wizarding world didn’t suffer from the same prejudices of the muggle world; ethnicity and sexual preferences were not an issue – blood purity was, and all its implications. In those years Harry had seen tons of girls kissing girls, boys dating boys, open relationships, people expressing themselves in their own ways, and so on. Harry was more than ok with that, but not knowing that his own godfather and his former DADA teacher were in a relationship – and maybe in love? And it had been on since their school days, apparently. It opened so, so many questions: what about those twelve years that Sirius had spent in Azkaban? What about Sirius’s return? And most importantly, “did Tonks know?”

“Yes. She knew it all,” confirmed Remus with no hesitation, pointedly meeting Sirius’s stare.

“Then I don’t have anything else to say,” Harry cut it, pleased.

McGonagall impatiently waved a hand. “Please, Black, do go on.”

“Again: Sirius, Lupin, my most sincere apologies,” said Regulus, a little bit panicked. Sirius scoffed and waved it off. “As I was saying, I had no chance to escape, and I did try – Merlin, I tried everything and anything, and when I came to terms with it being impossible, I attempted killing myself. I tried to break my neck, pierce my eyes, cut my veins with my own fingernails…” Remus flinched hardly. “Nothing. As soon as I managed to do some damage, every progress was erased. It was all in vain. So I waited for madness to come, but I was not allowed either. It was the cruellest, most excruciating, punctual torture ever conceived by a human being. The Dark Lord has been extremely inventive there. Unable to die. Unable to drink, eat, or sleep. Unable to find relief in the loss of the mind. For much as I knew, it could have lasted forever.”

“And what did you…” Sirius cleared his throat. He was very pale now. Harry saw the shadows of Azkaban in his eyes and Remus must have noticed that too, since he was watching Sirius and looked very concerned. The eldest Black was no doubt remembering his time there. “What did you do to, you know, take your mind off it?”.

“Ah… I started musing. I was already ashamed for joining the Dark Lord’s side and I had tried to destroy the Horcrux to clean my name. I could not die, so I decided to profit from the situation and I started going through every single aspect of my beliefs and my existence. I thought and rethought everything in five different languages to let it root properly, and I soon began to wholly understand how much of a fool I had been. I…” Regulus searched for his brother. “I thought of you so many times, Sirius, of how much I must have disappointed you. You have been the only one in our entire family, except for Andromeda, to choose the right side. I know we have never really bonded, but I… I should have craved for your approval and respect, not Mother’s and Father’s, or the Blacks’, but I was too blind… too brainwashed… and I fought you, brother…”

Sirius didn’t say anything. His lips were still a thin line, but his eyes had softened some. Regulus covered his face with his hands.

“Have you ever tried to escape again?” asked Kingsley.

Regulus slowly removed his hands and shook his head. “At that point I had already accepted my fate and I considered my confinement as part of my expiation. I was willingly ready to endure it for eternity.”

“You’re the same as your brother,” tutted Remus under his breath. He was talking to himself, but Sirius heard him and shot him a quizzical look.

Regulus went on. “Then, early this morning, the barrier blocking the water disappeared, and the underwater cave began to flood. I almost drowned again in the surprise, but then I managed to swim upwards. The Inferi were motionless, ordinary corpses, and I resurfaced. I still had my wand and as soon as I set foot on land I attempted apparating. I decided to inform Dumbledore at once. I did not now how much time I spent down there. I appeared in front of the main gates and headed towards the castle. I was not well, I did not notice the battlegrounds at the moment nor it occurred to me that something must have happened to allow my escape. I just acted out of instinct.”

“Impressive,” commented Madam Pomfrey.

“So… Minister.” Regulus turned to Kingsley. “Now you are aware of all my doing. I am ready to head to Azkaban if you esteem–”

“Azkaban?” repeated Kingsley calmly. “I don’t think so. Personally I find Azkaban useless in re-educating criminals – it’s just torture and punishment, and I’ll be damned if I’m the one sending another innocent Black in that hell of a place.”

“Music to my ears.” Sirius smirked harshly while Regulus stuttered, “Innocent? But–”

“For as much as I’m concerned you’ve been already imprisoned for almost twenty years and you paid your dues fair and square. There are more committed and guiltier Death Eaters who haven’t served half your sentence while deserving it far more than you do,” said Kingsley. “You can consider yourself free and clean from all charges, and I guarantee you your good actions won’t be forgotten.”

Regulus was bewildered. “But Minister, I…”

“If you wish to do something to help the Ministry make up for the disaster perpetuated by the recent government, I’ll be glad to accept it, and you can send me an owl at any time.” Kingsley stood up, followed by McGonagall and Pomfrey. “Now, please excuse me, but I really have to go. Remus,” he turned to Lupin, “the families of all the fallen are coming in an hour or so, and that includes Andromeda.”

Remus nodded. “Yes, thank you, Kingsley.”

“I reckon a hearing will be requested to discuss Sirius’s and Regulus’s cases. I’ll do my best to schedule it in the next few days so we can leave it all behind us as soon as possible.”

“Fine by me,” Sirius agreed. Regulus nodded, still dazed. “Bye, Kinglsey.”

“Goodbye. Harry.” He stopped to fondly pat Harry on the arm and then headed to the door.

McGonagall stopped in the doorway to look at them. “I hope you weren’t looking forward to keeping your return secret because rumours are already spreading, and I suspect there will be a column about it in the next number of the Daily Prophet.Just to warn you.”

“We anticipated it,” confirmed Lily. “Thanks, Minerva.”

She nodded. “Potter,” she added, scrutinizing Harry up and down, “you should really rest. You look exhausted.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah, I was aware.”

“Poppy, make him rest if you have to.”

“I’ll go in a minute!” Harry promised. “C’mon, Professor, I’ve just saved the world and had my family back, I couldn’t possibly sleep even if I wanted.”

“A sleeping draught, then,” Madam Pomfrey chimed in, smiling.

“We’ll make him rest,” James assured, grinning himself.

“We’ll drag him in the Gryffindor Tower by his feet,” Ron seconded.

“Honestly,” Harry rolled his eyes. “Focus on Regulus, he’s the one who’s been underwater until now.”

“I was going to,” said Madam Pomfrey while McGonagall was leaving the room. She fussed over Regulus, who was still dumbfounded by Kingsley’s words. “I don’t like the look of you the slightest bit. You need hydration, feeding, and sleep. Luckily I brought some revivifying potions. Here.” She poured a purple draught into a big goblet.

“Wait,” hurried Sirius, dashing towards Regulus’s bed. His brother looked hesitantly at him. Sirius stopped beside the bed, hands shoved inside his pockets. “Listen, I’m not saying I can forgive and forget all at once–”

“I was not expecting you to,” murmured Regulus, looking away.

“But I can forgive and understand… some bits,” Sirius added, then shrugged. “Guess dying softened me.”

“Sirius,” started Regulus, his voice quivering again. He leaned eagerly towards his brother. “I am sorry, I really am. I know you despise me, and I know I haven’t done much to prove you wrong, but I promise you that during these years I–”

“I know,” Sirius said quietly, “I can tell. And even if I couldn’t, I still couldn’t ignore what you did. You were able to reconsider and you really tried to do the right thing, which is more than we can say of many people that we thought were on our side. It’s not like everything’s going to be perfect all of a sudden, but this… this can be a sort of a new beginning, if you want.”

“Yes,” nodded Regulus fervently, “I’ll show you that I really have changed, I–”

“It’s ok,” Sirius shushed him gruffly and grabbed his shoulder. “You need to rest and recover now, I suppose we’ll be headed back to Grimmauld Place tonight.”

Regulus gave a little smile before Madam Pomfrey almost forced him to drink the potion and pushed him back on the bed. Then nurse left the room to take care of the other injured fighters.

“That was really nice from you,” Remus said kindly, approaching Sirius while his brother closed his eyes. “I thought you’d reject him.”

“Well, I should be blind to ignore what he’s been through,” Sirius grumbled, watching Regulus’s face relaxing in his potion-induced sleep, “and I know him well enough to be sure he’s really changed – even though I don’t know what he’s changed into, yet.”

“I’m sure he’ll surprise you,” Remus smiled, resting a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius shrugged him off rather coldly and stepped away a bit.

“Er – James, we should go see if we can be of any help,” Lily said suddenly, sensing some tension mounting. “Harry, promise me you’re going to get some sleep?”

He nodded. “I will, just need to do something with Ron and Hermione first.”

“Huh?” Ron said, puzzled, and Hermione elbowed him. “Oh, right. Let’s go then.”

“And, very conveniently, the whole party left the room,” James narrated with a grin. Lily slapped him around the head again while they all hurried towards the door, making Harry chuckle.

“Son, you shouldn’t laugh at your old man being vexed by a wicked woman.”

“You clearly deserve to be vexed! Call me ‘wicked’ again and you’ve got another thing coming!”

“See? See how viciously she shows her love to me? Oh, what a merciless spirit thou hast…” James’s dramatic lament trailed off, leaving an awkward silence in the room.

“You should go too,” Sirius added almost immediately, turning to face the window. His raven hair looked sleek in the light that filtered from the outside and framed the elegant waves that curled between his shoulder blades. Remus sighed.

“I hoped we could talk before meeting with Andromeda,” he said. “I’m sure she’ll be far more delighted to see you rather than me. Plus, I owe you some explanation.”

“You don’t,” Sirius stated, his back still turned. “I have no right to feel offended because you decided to go on. It’s not like I wanted you to mourn me forever. I’d have wished you to be happy anyway and you had all the right to pursue your happiness with whoever you wanted.”

“But you’re hurt for what I said back in the Forest,” Remus pointed out.

“Well, forgive me for being a little bit puzzled,” snapped the other, now slightly turned to cast him a hard look.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have said or done anything of all that, but I was so happy to see you again that I–” Remus sighed again, a broken sound this time. “Sirius, please, look at me.”

Sirius turned and slouched sulkily against the wall, arms crossed and eyes clouded. Remus stepped tentatively forward.

“I shouldn’t have, but this doesn’t make it any less true,” he said, softly, “and I feel like a proper bastard, because you know what? If both you and Dora were alive I know perfectly what would have happened, I know exactly who I’d have prioritised. And we both know I’m talking about you.” Remus smile was full of self-loathe. “She’s the mother of my child, she gave up everything for me, and yet… and yet I’m happier for having you back than I’m sad for losing her, and I so f*cking hate myself for this. And I don’t care. That’s the extent of how much I’m disgusted with myself.”

Sirius finally looked up at him. “Moony,” he whispered with a strained voice.

Remus passed a hand on his face. “I was so tired, Sirius. So tired. I was tired of being alone and miserable. And I gave in.”

“Did you love her?” he couldn’t resist to ask.

“Yes. Not in the same way of… but… Yes,” Remus answered. “Dora is the one who saved me after you died.”

“What do you mean, ‘saved’?”

“I was in a really bad place, Sirius. I… Losing you was more than I could bear,” he confessed slowly, eyes unfocused. “If it weren’t for Dora, now…”

Remus scratched his temple, the sleeve of his battered robes a little up his arm. Sirius froze just for a second before jerking forward and grabbing Remus’s arm. He pushed up his sleeve and looked up at the other man with absolute horror.

“Remus,” he gasped, “what did you do?”

He withdrew his arm with a sorry smile. “I told you,” he said, “I was in a really bad place.”

“What did you do?!”

Chapter 3: Tales of Agony

Chapter Text

Friday 21^st June 1996

No one ever tells you pain can be sweet – physical pain, in particular. Remus, however, knew it very well. The sweeter it tasted, the more dangerous it was. He knew it from his transformations, from the cuttings and the scars; he knew it from those times he’d harmed himself when he was a teenager, before his friends had become animagi for him and everything about his condition and his life had felt unsufferable; and he learned the hard way that when pain started to feel sort of good it was never a good sign. But that night he was not in condition to let his instinct kick in. He had drunk himself numb during the previous hours, hoping to stop feeling once and for all, hoping to make everything stop hurting. But the longed alienation hadn’t come. Seemingly, he had reached the point of no return. Pain had nested into his chest for good. It made Remus heavy as lead, it pinned him down to the floor, leaving him breathless and helpless.

Pain burnt. Pain carved his skin, flayed him. It was too much. They were all gone forever, and he was the only one left. Why, though? What did make him so special? If anything, he was the one less deserving to live. What kind of life was his, after all? A hybrid sort of one, just like he was; a miserable one, one merely worth living. There were people topping themselves for much less.

Remus didn’t know when it came to him, at what stage of his drunken depression. He didn’t even remember doing it. He vaguely recalled a silver dagger because he remembered the stinging smell of its material and the slight burning sensation on his palm, but he didn’t know at what point he’d thought ‘You know what? It’s over. I’m out. f*ck off. I’m going with Sirius, James and Lily’ – he remembered thinking this, at least. He didn’t feel the blade cutting him open, but he surely smelled his own blood. Oh, it was rich, salty and iron-like, thick and tempting, and brought a promise of sleep and peace. The sweet, oily pain slithered outside his veins. There was an old line from a muggle author, the one both Sirius and Lily had been obsessed with – Shakespeare, was it? – How did it went? – To die, to sleep – to sleep, perchance to dream...

“Remus…?” A voice was calling him from afar. “Remus, are you there?”

He didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer.

“Homenum revelio! Ok, you’re there. I’m coming in, so if you’re naked don’t complain, ’cause I warned you. Alohom*ora.”

To die, to sleep…

“Oh my – Remus! REMUS!”

To sleep, perchance to dream…

Something was shaking him violently and a voice was shrieking. It felt like a slap on his face, but he was too numb to tell for sure.

There were stars above him. One shone brighter than the others, beaming, calling him so sweetly. I’m coming my love, just give me a minute…

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it…

His mother was singing. It was her favourite song from that new film, Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. She’d brought him to the theatre the summer it was released; it was the very summer before his beginning at Hogwarts, and he was growing antsier and antsier from the perspective of being surrounded by so many other kids, given his condition. The full moon was due in a couple of days, and the closer it got to September 1st, the more restless and worried he became. They were alone that evening since his father was working late, and she’d decided to distract Remus for at least a couple of hours. He’d adored the film. His mother had a terrific musical memory and she’d learned that song by heart after just one listen. Later that week, when he woke up the morning after the full moon, it was to her singing. It became a tradition of theirs after that, a sort of sweet secret that always left Lyall amazed when he heard his wife start singing blabbers about some sort of mock-magic chocolate factory. Remus went to Hogwarts with that song in mind, singing it to himself whenever he felt scared about the incoming full moon. He dreamt of waking up to his mother’s singing every month.

His mother was singing right now, her voice sweeter and gentler than ever before. She was holding his hand and stroking his fingers while she lulled him to sleep. Then her voice gave room to Sirius’s and it felt like being born again. It had been ages since the last time he’d sung that song to him, at the end of the fifth year – after the accident with Snape. Oh, how silly it all seemed now. Before that, after discovering his secret and the meaning that song had to him, Sirius learned it too and sang it, or hummed it, every morning after – or, in fact, every time he noticed Remus was feeling blue – at the point that even an exasperated James had memorised it in the end; the other one also, but Remus never thought of him if he could help it. He let Sirius’s clear, deep, and soothing voice run over him in reassuring waves of nothingness; let his mind recall the chilly touch of Sirius’s hands on his burning forehead and neck; let his heart leap once more remembering the feeling of his whispers purring in his ear, his singing…

Come with me and you’ll be
In a world of pure imagination…

When he regained his senses, Remus knew he was feeling too sh*tty to be dead. You weren’t supposed to experience a lifelike misery in your afterlife, so he must definitely be alive.

“f*ck,” he groaned, suddenly taken over by the extent of the damage from the night before. He felt queasy and weak, and when he tried to open his eyelids lots of white spots danced before him.

When he was finally able to keep his eyes open without his retinas crying for help, he found himself in his bed with a worn night vest and shorts on, and white bandages around his forearms. An odd, itchy, and slightly hurting feeling radiated from his arms and spread up to his torso. So he’d actually tried to end it, at last. He lightly ran his fingers on the bandages and got a sharp, stabbing pain in return that made him hiss. Those cuts must have been pretty deep; how come he was still alive?

The one-shutter door of his bedroom creaked open and Remus’s stomach jolted when he saw who was peering in.

“T-Tonks?!” he stuttered, mortified for the state she was seeing him.

“You’re awake!” she cried in relief, hurrying towards him and tripping over a pile of dirty clothes. She hugged him by the neck, but before Remus could do anything but blinking nonplussed she slapped him hard around the head and he flinched. “WHAT THE f*ck WERE YOU THINKING, EH?!” she shouted, her eyes watering at an alarming rate.

“Ouch – please, voice down,” Remus moaned, grabbing his head. He was feeling like retching.

“Voice down? VOICE DOWN?!” Tonks repeated, her scream louder and her eyes shinier, “You lost your privileges of making demands when I found you in a pool of your own f*cking blood – and when you think you’re going now?!”

She had her answer when she heard Remus wildly throw up from the little bathroom where he had just run. His stomach upside down, his head menacingly light from nausea and the conspicuous loss of blood, he seriously risked passing out right there in front of the unflushed loo. He unsteadily pulled himself up on his feet and rinsed his face and mouth with one hand, the other gripped tightly to the sink. He risked a quick glance at his reflection in the mirror above it and grimaced, even though he knew he shouldn’t expect to look anything but a miserable mess. His face was so pale that the scars looked livid, as well as his unerring dark circles. His cheeks were hollower than ever, and he had the dull eyes of the dead man he’d almost turned into. Remus sighed and did his best not to scratch the bandages as he returned to the bedroom.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, avoiding Tonks’s eye while he dragged himself towards the bed again. “Quite of a rough night.”

“And that’s quite the understatement,” she spat, arms crossed. “Remus, what were you thinking? You could’ve… you almost…” And she finally gave way to the tears she’d successfully managed to push back until that, falling down on the floor and sobbing desperately. Her shock-pink hair turned to a muted brown almost immediately.

“sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,” Remus cursed, jumping from his bed – almost falling from the dizziness – and leaning down beside her. “I’m so sorry, Tonks, I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to–”

“To what?!” she wailed with a look so sad in her eye that broke Remus’s heart another piece, “To see you? To find you? To prevent you from killing yourself?!”

Well, yes, but that didn’t seem the smartest thing to say at the moment. “Sorry,” he repeated, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Too late for that.” Tonks wiped her eyes angrily and looked away, sniffing.

“Why… why did you stop by, anyway?” he asked. He thought he should try to comfort her somehow, perhaps stroking her arm, but he couldn’t find the strength to touch her.

“Because nobody in the bloody Order has heard from you after the Ministry!” she squeaked. “We were starting to worry that maybe some Death Eater or Greyback’s affiliates were after you! There was a meeting on how to organise Harry’s arrival at his uncles’ house from King’s Cross, yesterday, and when you didn’t show up we really feared the worst.” She sniffed again. “Of course, none of us could imagine the actual threat for yourself was you…”

“I’m so sorry,” Remus repeated for the hundredth time, eyes on his forearms.

Tonks turned into him, her face a mask of worry and pain. She rested a hand on his. “Why, Remus?” she murmured. “You almost cut to your bone; I was barely able to stitch you… and you used a silver dagger – silver!”

“Clearly I was narrowing my chances of healing over.”

“But – why! Why did you do this to yourself?!”

Remus closed his eyes and shook his head. Rookie mistake. The second he saw black, he saw Black. His last barking laugh, the green jet of light; Harry’s scream when he tried to pull him away and save him at least; the look in Sirius’s eyes.

Air disappeared from Remus’s lungs and he was left with nothing but emptiness, as if the voracious hollow in his heart had finally started spreading all across his body, leaving him with nothing, cutting him down to nothing. Pain came back to flay him from the inside, an impalpable and unstoppable Cruciatus Curse cast by no one was ripping his chest, as if the wolf had appeared inside him and was trying to get out from his own skin biting, tearing, breaking. He couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear to be the only one left. He couldn’t bear the awareness of having lost Sirius again and forever, of not hearing his laugh ever again, his witty quips, his soft touch… his kisses… his whispers in the dark of their bedroom… “Come closer, ma lune, you’re freezing”…

“Remus?” Tonks called him tentatively when he didn’t answer, “Remus, are you alright?”

“He’s gone,” Remus heard himself whisper. His eyes were still on his forearms, but he wasn’t seeing anything. “He’s gone, too. I’d just found him again, and now he’s gone forever.”

“Wha– are you talking ‘bout Sirius?”

No answer. Just void.

Tonks deflated in realisation. “You… you and him?” she said in a breath.

Remus nodded slowly.

“You loved him?”

Remus nodded again.

“Oh. I never knew.”

“No one did, after Azkaban,” Remus spoke finally, eyes still fixed on his lap. “We wanted to wait until the end of the war. We all had more important things to focus on.” It just seemed so stupid now.

“After– You were together before?!” she asked, astonished.

Another nod. “Since we were fifteen, more or less, getting on and off of it once or twice, nothing definitive, but we sort of... drifted apart a year or so before Voldemort tried to kill Harry. Things were crazy, the whole situation was driving everyone insane, we were paranoid… and then Halloween happened. I didn’t learn the truth until after his escape.”

“And you got back together,” Tonks filled in flatly. Remus nodded again. “Holy crap. Sounds like the love of a lifetime.”

“It is. It was”.

“I’m sorry, Remus. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. But honestly,” she added, “do you think Sirius’d be happy to know you tried to kill yourself because of it?”

“I wouldn’t know. He’s dead” he replied, stonily.

Tonks rolled her eyes. “Ok, let’s turn the question then. If Sirius were alive and you dead, how’d you react knowing he tried to top himself?”

That stung, even though Sirius would have never attempted suicide. Remus looked up for the first time in minutes and found Tonks smiling sadly. “I know, I can be a sh*thead if I want to. You’d have come back and haunted some sense in him, don’t deny it.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Sirius died a free man, Remus. He died fighting, and he was ready for it. I’m not saying it’s fair,” she added quickly, sensing Remus’s angry outburst mounting, “I’m just saying that’s sh*t, but it is what it is, and he’d hate to know the one he loved feels miserable because of him. He’d want to know you happy with your life. I’d want that if I were him,” she added quietly, cheeks slightly pink.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Remus sighed, knowing that probably Sirius would have been disgusted by his weakness.

“I know.”

“Thank you, Tonks.”

“Anytime – that is, if I ever catch you trying to end your life again, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Sounds legit,” he replied, surprised by his own chuckle. “How come you stopped by? Not Mad-Eye, or Kingsley?” he asked then, puzzled.

“You already know why, Remus,” Tonks murmured, watching him with the same sad smile she’d flashed before.

***

Back to May 2^nd 1998

“After that day she tried to get closer. I already knew she had a thing for me,” Remus continued, and now it was he who faced the window and watched as people started walking toward the castle from the path coming from the main gates. “But I didn’t, and I didn’t want to encourage her or give her the wrong idea. I wasn’t interested in any kind of relationship, plus I didn’t want to cause her any trouble. She was young, a talented Auror with a brilliant career ahead, and I was… well, a werewolf. She could have had anyone she wanted and be perfectly content without all the downsides of associating with people like me. I tried to discourage her, to warn her off, but she… she simply wouldn’t give up. Gosh, she was stubborn.” Remus sighed with a glum smile. “She insisted she didn’t care if I was still in love with you, never mind being a werewolf. She was sure we could have been happy together, that she could help me get better. So I started avoiding her. I couldn’t see why I should have condemned her to a miserable life with me. Dora was so joyful and energetic, she definitely deserved better, and I definitely wanted to spare her. I did my best. For almost a year I’ve ditched her, but in the end… In the end I was just so tired of being alone, Sirius.”

Sirius didn’t say anything. He’d turned halfway to him, leaning one shoulder to the wall, arms and ankles crossed while he looked on the floor, some of his black locks falling in front of his face. Remus continued.

“I gave in. We got married right after that because we both thought that was safer, seeing the ongoing war. For a little while I believed her, I believed I really had a chance to get better with her. I would have never forgotten you – as if I had wanted to – but Dora was there for me in my worst days, and she managed to make everything seem… lighter. Suddenly life was bearable again, even being a werewolf became a little less horrible. But then Dora got pregnant, and I remembered altogether why I’d tried to discourage her in the first place”.

“You feared you’d pass your condition to the child,” Sirius single-guessed in a flat whisper, eyes still on the floor.

“Yes. And I chickened out so badly… it’s only thanks to Harry that I avoided making the biggest, bloody mistake of my life.”

Sirius looked at him for the first time in ages. “You didn’t leave her, did you?!”

“Almost,” Remus confessed, full of self-loathing again. “Almost.”

“Holy sh*t, Remus.”

Hearing Sirius’s reproachful tone was almost pleasant. “I know. I’m disgusting.”

“That’s not what I–”

“Anyway, I got back to her and somehow she took me and forgave me. Guess she was far more in love with me than the opposite.” Remus trailed on, clutching a hand in a fist. “I owe her so much. I owe her with my own bloody life, with Teddy’s life, with every hint of happiness I got after you died. She’s just died and I’m here with you, telling you every single damn thing hoping you’ll be understanding enough to forgive me, because f*ck, Sirius,” Remus hit the wall with his fist and turned to watch him, tears watering his eyes again, “I’m so happy you’re here again.”

“Oh Moony, baby, come here…” Sirius cooed while he pushed away from the wall and went to hug Remus, who was now crying violently for the anger and relief. He grasped Sirius’s front shirt and cried against his shoulder. Remus felt Sirius’s long fingers sinking in his hair and stroking gently the back of his neck.

“You’re an idiot, a complete idiot… un coglione, un idiota totale, un imbecille della peggior specie, una vera testa di cazzo. What was on your mind, huh?!” Sirius swore in a heartfelt whisper, and Remus couldn’t help but snigg*r hysterically. He always switched to Italian when he needed a wider vocabulary for insults. He grabbed Remus’s arm and raised it in front of his face, pushing the sleeve up and leaving a gentle trail of kisses all along his scar. He did the same to the other forearm. Remus’s heart speeded up desperately and almost took off when Sirius took his face in his hands.

“Don’t you ever–” he growled furiously, kissing him fully on the lips, “ever–” another kiss, “ever dare to do something so insane ever again.” Another kiss. Sirius fixed his striking blue eyes in his. “If I die again in five minutes, or tonight, or tomorrow, or in a couple of months, don’t you even consider doing something so idiotic once more or I’ll hunt you down, rip your dying head off and piss in it in both human and dog form. Did I make myself clear?”

Remus laughed despite himself. “Crystal clear,” he assured right before squeezing Sirius in another breathtaking hug. He stroked his cheek with a thumb, enjoying the feeling of his short, dark beard brushing against his finger. “I’ve missed you so badly,” he breathed, passing his thumb over Sirius’s mouth and watching enraptured as his lips parted almost by their own will.

“I’m here, ma lune, I’m here.” Sirius kissed his palm, eyes closed while breathing in. “I’m sorry you suffered so much. I’m so sorry about everything.”

Remus shook his head. “It’s not your fault. Plus, I’m not losing you ever again. I don’t care if I’m being selfish, or mean, or cruel, or if this makes me loathe myself even more… You died, and you’re here again, and f*ck me if I lose you to some moral concern that are of no use.”

Sirius tried to stifle a smile, poorly succeeding. “What are you trying to say?”

“That I love you,” whispered Remus. “I love you as ever and I want to be with you if that’s what y–”

Remus could speak no more, because Sirius silenced him with a kiss.

Chapter 4: The Function

Chapter Text

Sirius silenced him with a kiss; a kiss so wild and fierce Remus had to steady himself against Sirius’s shoulders. He found himself with his back against the cool wall, every worry and every trace of sorrow annihilated by Sirius’s lips and tongue, his breath, his firm hands gripping his waist tightly.

“Oh, I love you too, I love you so much,” he sighed against Remus’s mouth before resuming his kissing.

After twenty-four years, with more than a half spent apart, Remus still wasn’t used to kissing Sirius. Every time was just like the very first, every way they made contact a surprise. Each time was a particular blessing, something new, as if he’d never felt Sirius’s tongue brushing his, gentle and eager at the same time, as if his way of grabbing his neck were unknown, as if he’d never felt Sirius hold his breath at the back of the throat before, or sliding a leg between his – before placing one of his elegant, pale hands on his inner thigh and run it up, making everything so hot and blurred. Remus couldn’t get enough of his scent and the way it became more intense while their kisses got steamier – it was so manly, fresh like wild fern and mysterious like sandalwood or myrrh. It made him want to tear Sirius’s clothes apart, lay him down on the stone floor, worship every inch of his marvellous body until his voice came out uneven and mellow, to love him, to love him, to love him,…

After losing him, after seeing him dying without he could possibly do anything to prevent it, Remus couldn’t ask himself to restrain his feelings. He simply couldn’t.

“You’re so perfect, you’re just so perfect, I don’t deserve you the slightest bit,” he murmured, indulging fondly in their kiss.

“Stop saying bullsh*t,” Sirius demanded. He nibbled Remus’s neck quite strongly, and then his earlobe. Remus moaned, eyes shut. Sirius pushed him harder against the wall, basically trapping him between the stones and his body. Remus put his hands on his bum and pulled him forward, pressing Sirius's hips against his. He felt the other man smiling in the kiss.

“Careful,” whispered Sirius, a thick shadow of desire in his throat. “Don’t want to put on a show for Reggie here.”

“Oh sh*t, I completely forgot about him,” said Remus, glancing towards the bed. Regulus was still sound asleep. He removed his hands from Sirius’s backside and placed them on his chest instead. Sirius was watching him with the sweetest and softest of smiles. He reached out and adjusted a rebellious lock in Remus’s hair.

“You’re so lovely I lose my ability to breathe if I stare at you for too long,” he said with an adoring smile on his lips, still shiny and red from the kiss.

“Sweetheart,” Remus called him, cupping his face with a hand. Sirius leaned in with a deep sigh.

“Ma lune.” Sirius kissed him gently on the nose and rested his forehead against Remus’s. Remus felt the other man’s heart pounding heavily against his palm. They stayed like that for a little while, enjoying the relief of being with each other again.

“You’d like to keep this private, I imagine?” Sirius guessed. He crossed his arms on Remus’s back and pulled him in a sort of protective hug.

“Maybe it would be the best,” Remus mused, “I mean, people would talk, since ‘Dora’s just… They wouldn’t understand and I can’t bring myself to justify this with anyone.”

“I agree, and it’s fine by me as long as it doesn’t cause you problems.”

“... Problems?”

“Moony,” Sirius started tentatively, stroking his cheek, “This… You and me again, after all these years, after two wars… after Azkaban, my death, and y-your death,” he faltered, upset, “after your marriage and your wife’s death… this… this is all I could’ve ever dreamed of and more. But should this be of any trouble for you… should this make you unhappy…” Sirius sighed, “I don’t want to cause you trouble, ever. I don’t want you to feel guilty for choosing – us.”

“I’ve already told you, Sirius,” said Remus. “I was sure I’d never see you again. I lost everything. I died. And yet somehow we’re here again. The war is over, James and Lily are here with us again, with Harry, and we might experience some peace for the very first time. I’m not gonna waste this chance. I know my heart and I’m fine, even if it means that I might despise myself from time to time. I’m ok with this, I mean it.”

“Ok, I believe you. We’ll work on your self-deprecation issues, though,” replied Sirius, pressing his lips on Remus’s head.

“Your lost-cause hobby,” Remus scoffed. He rested his head on the hollow of Sirius’s neck. “We could start telling James and Lily for now, what d’you think?”

“Anything you want, my love. D’you reckon Harry might take it badly?”

“Likely so, and I couldn’t blame him. He doesn’t know.”

“We’ll explain everything and he’ll have no objection, don’t worry, that kid’s too good. Let’s start with the Prongs first, we can deal with Harry later on.”

“Sorry. I know it would be easier to be in the open.”

“Nah, I really don’t mind. Plus, it’ll be good having you all for myself for a little while,” Sirius smirked.

“I’m afraid you’ll still have to share me with Teddy,” Remus pointed out, smiling.

“Infants sleep a lot, and since he’s your son I bet he sleeps twice as much.”

“Are we feeling witty, aren’t we?”

“As ever. Plus, even if he were awake,” Sirius added, winking, “I imagine he’d be still too little to figure out what I’d be doing to his daddy…”

“Or what his daddy would be doing to you…” That was not the right moment for picturing Sirius calling him ‘daddy’ or other names in a very different scenario.

“Mhm…”

They kissed again – a slow, lingering kiss. Sirius’s mouth was hot. Remus closed his eyes and sank in.

A sharp rapping on the door made them both jump with surprise.

“Oi, are you still there? Can we come in?” James called. “Or are you shagging on top of poor sleeping Regulus?”

“Ew, Potter.” Sirius twitched with a disgusted grimace while he and Remus pulled away.

“Can we come in then?”

“Yes, you twat.”

James and Lily re-entered the room. “Almost all families have arrived,” announced Lily. “A commemorative function is starting in an hour or so.”

“Where’s Harry?” asked Sirius.

“Well’, he didn’t go to rest. He stayed back in the Great Hall, everyone want to speak with him,” James replied, shaking his head with amazed disbelief. “Honestly, yesterday he could barely walk and today he’s a hero.”

“He’s gone through so much,” sniffed Lily. She looked pretty shaken.

“Are you alright, Lils?” Remus asked, touching her arm. She nodded with a sad smile.

“I just need to get used to it, that’s all,” she brushed it off. “You two, though: you ok?”.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, smiling softly. “Yes, cheers.”

James eyed them carefully, his gaze hovering on his friends’ wet, flushed lips and the way they seem to gravitate towards each other. “Oh?” he grinned almost manically, eyebrows wiggling.

“Precisely.” Remus took Sirius’s hand purposefully. Sirius’s smile broadened and he leaned to kiss Moony’s temple.

“Oooh, you’re back together!” Lily said, matching their joyful looks. James made a triumph gesture that involved his elbow and a silent ‘HELL YES!’, and they all laughed before crushing in a warm and happy hug.

“Keep it for yourself, for now,” Remus added while they parted. “Things are a little bit complicated.”

“No problem,” James waved it off, “but you’ll have to fill us in properly, ‘cos I sense we missed lots.”

Sirius pulled a face. “You have no idea.”

In that very moment, Harry’s head peeked out from the door. “Remus, Andromeda’s here with Teddy.”

“Coming right away.”

“Wait,” chimed Sirius suddenly, “I don’t want to leave Regulus alone.”

“Wow, look at you,” James snigg*red, “back to be the big brother already.”

“f*ck off, Potter, I’m trying to be responsible for once.”

“We could ask that house-elf of yours? Kreacher?” Lily mused.

“Er, we might,” Harry said hesitantly, entering the room again and closing the door behind him. “But there’s something you should know first, Sirius.”

“If you’re trying to tell me that little bastard betrayed me and the Order,” Sirius anticipated coolly, folding his arms with a hard look, “I already figured it out on my way to the Ministry.” He turned to James and Lily. “It’s basically Kreacher’s fault if I died.”

“What the f*ck, mate” breathed James, astonished. Lily covered her mouth with her hands.

“Well, yes. But maybe, if you could try treating him a little better – believe me, Sirius, it really costs me to say this,” hurried Harry, seeing his godfather’s face, “but Kreacher doesn’t act on his own scheme, he responds to his masters and how they treat him. I mean, we managed to make him stop insulting Hermione and Ron in the past months, he stopped muttering under his breath and he was glad to follow my orders. I’m not even a Black…”

“Harry’s right,” Remus added. “We talked plenty about the matter with Dumbledore, and you know what his advices on Kreacher were. I’m not saying you have no right to be furious, nor is Harry, but if you’re taking this chance to start over with Regulus, why not trying to reconcile with Kreacher and your family history, too?”

“You’re asking quite for much,” muttered Sirius.

“I know,” smirked Remus. “But I’m not talking about forgiveness. I’m talking: stop holding grudges against dead people and enjoy your second life since you aren’t dead anymore.”

Sirius remained silent for a while, then he sighed and relaxed. He gave Remus a long, meaningful look that Remus correctly interpreted as ‘you’re so chill it’s infuriating and I love you so much for this’. Remus tried not to smile too obviously in response, and briefly nodded instead.

“Ok then,” Sirius grumpily gave in, “let’s get over with it so we can join the others at last.” He took a breath and called with a clear voice, “Kreacher!”

The old, ugly house-elf appeared with a soft ‘pop’. He was still wearing the fake locket on his bare chest and sported a pretty harsh cut above his temple, with a trickle of dried blood running on the side of his grunted face. When he saw Sirius, his blood-injected eyes widened and his greyish skin dropped even paler.

“M-master Sirius?” he croaked, confused.

Sirius arched an eyebrow. “Hi, Kreacher. Surprised to see me?”

The house-elf eyed Sirius. “Kreacher thought master died. Kreacher has been serving master Harry since.”

“Please don’t call me like that,” Harry sighed.

“Guess I’m back,” Sirius continued, stonily, hands on hips, “and I know what you did.”

That did the trick. Kreacher made a choked sound that was halfway between a sob and a scream and ran headfirst toward the wall. Sirius, anticipating the scene, grabbed him by the shoulder without flinching.

“Stop that,” he demanded. Kreacher stopped still immediately, watching him with pure terror. “I’m not going to punish you. In fact, I…” Sirius sighed heavily and let go of him. “Let’s say I forgive you. I don’t want to hear about what you’ve done anymore.”

The house-elf fell at Sirius’s feet, his wrinkly fists hitting madly the floor. “Master Sirius is so generous, Kreacher is so sorry, so sorry–”

“No you’re not,” Sirius snarled. Then he sighed again. “f*ck, I really must’ve gone mad this time. I should add your head to the wall in Grimmauld place, not talk to you.”

“Kreacher,” Harry chimed in before Sirius could lose it, “we, mh… we’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A-a surprise for Kreacher?” the house-elf repeated, looking up.

“Yes. I have to warn you, this could be, er, a little surprising for y–”

“Today you’re getting both the Black brothers back, Kreacher,” Sirius cut abruptly. He pointed at the bed, “Regulus is over there.”

If Sirius’s aim was to shock Kreacher in a sort of petty payback, then he didn’t achieve the expected result. The house-elf looked at the bed with a confused face, but when he spotted the dark halo of Regulus’s hair on the pillow his expression changed dramatically. Kreacher gasped and scurried towards his beloved master, and immediately burst into tears when he realised it was actually him.

“Master Regulus! Master Regulus! You is alive! You is alive! Oh, my poor mistress, if she could see her beautiful boy, she would be so happy! Oh, master Regulus, Kreacher was so sad, so sad, Kreacher didn’t obey, Kreacher is so sorry…” he whined non-stop, stroking Regulus’s hair and mopping his dripping nose on his tea-towel.

“It’s impossible to tell who his favourite is,” scoffed Sirius sarcastically.

“I’d bet on you, Pads,” said James.

“Master Sirius, why is master Regulus not waking up?” Kreacher croaked, still weeping.

“He’s recovering. I need you to look after him.” Then, trying to fulfil his purpose of being kinder and stop holding grudges, Sirius added, “Can you do this for me?”

“Yes, master Sirius, Kreacher is not even going to blink,” he assured passionately.

“There’s no need to go that far. Just make sure to take care of him.” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair tiredly. “There’s also another thing. This evening we’re all heading back to Grimmauld Place, and I reckon the house is again unsuitable to host any form of human life…”

“Master need Kreacher to clean?”

“If you please.” Sirius surprised himself with his own politeness. “My own bedroom, Regulus’s, two guests’, a couple of bathrooms and the kitchen will do for now, if it’s not too much”.

“Masters and their guests will find the house spotless, master Sirius,” Kreacher assured.

“I believe you for once. Thank you, Kreacher.” The house-elf bowed merrily as if it was completely normal for Sirius and him to interact on such civil tones – he was clearly over the moon. Sirius turned to face the others. “Shall we go?”

“We better.” Remus couldn’t wait to hug Teddy.

They filed out of the room. “Well done,” Remus whispered in Sirius’s ear while they were exiting.

“It was anything but easy. I just wanted to end him,” Sirius countered, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, but you didn’t. You were a proper ray of sunshine.”

“As if,” Sirius snorted.

“But it’s true,” Harry said, grinning. He was leading the group outside. “Hermione will make you president for S.P.E.W. at this rate.” Remus laughed.

“Where are we going?” Lily asked while they climbed down the main staircase. The sun was even brighter than before, the air warmer. There were other people ahead, walking in the same direction.

“To the lake,” answered Harry, “they’re creating a sort of memorial yard there, it’s were they buried Dumbledore last year.”

They crossed the grounds together, their gaze caught by the sunlight glimmering on the surface of the lake. A big crowd was forming near the shore. It was like Dumbledore’s funeral all over again.

As they approached the gathering, Remus’s stride got more frantic. He could smell Teddy now, could feel his presence near, and was overwhelmed by the urge to hold his son in his arms. It was odd; Teddy had shown no sign of lycanthropy, but he and his father shared a sort of animal connection – like they were part of a pack or could always sense and recognise each other within a certain distance. They communicated deeply via their senses, especially smell. Sometimes Teddy was particularly restless and nothing seemed able to calm him down (not even his own mother), except being skin to skin with his dad; on these occasions Remus would hold him, Teddy would lay his head on his shoulder, a hand on Remus’s cheek, and would inhale his father’s scent with slow, soothed breaths – and he would smile. Remus couldn’t wait to feel his little weight in his arms again, hug him close, and infuse in son the certainty that his dad was there, alive, and Teddy wouldn’t be alone even though his mum was no longer with them. Remus resolved that he would become the perfect father to his only son. He ought to be an amazing parent so that Teddy would miss his mum only for affection and not for lack of care, and – it wasn’t easy to believe even though he rationally knew it – he could count on his friends, and… and…

Remus sprinted into a run when he caught sight of Andromeda’s dark mane of locks. The tall woman was surrounded by other people talking, including the Weasleys, and was holding a little bundle. He didn’t mind leaving the others behind; didn’t wonder if Andromeda knew he had come back to life and her daughter had not; didn’t think of his younger appearance; didn’t focus on Andromeda imminent encounter with her favourite and dead-until-that-morning cousin. His son was all he could think about – Teddy I’m here, I’m here, dad’s here–

“TEDDY!” he cried, hurrying forward, making Andromeda and the surrounding people jump with surprise.

“Remus? Is that you?” Andromeda whispered, her voice hoarse and dull with grief.

He briefly nodded in greeting, too moved to speak. Andromeda handed Teddy to him without waiting for Remus to ask. The kid was awake and was quietly observing the world around with his big, baby-blue eyes. When he spotted his father his face lit with a wide, gummy smile, and made a delighted sound.

Remus hugged him as tight as he could without hurting him. He was so overwhelmed he had gone rigid all over. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead on top of Teddy’s hair – which was of a spectacular shade of emerald green at that very moment – and filling his nose with his perfect, lovable scent. My boy, my baby, I’ve almost lost you, I–

And before realising Remus was crying again. He kissed every inch of Teddy he could reach – his head, his chubby cheeks, his little nose, his lips, his eyelids, temples, shoulders, arms, his tiny hands with tiny dimples. And it still wasn’t enough. There wasn’t enough room in the world to contain his love for his son. Was this the feeling Lily and James had experienced the night they both died to protect Harry? Remus knew it was, he knew he would have done the same for Teddy, he would had died for him – he had died for him, trying to leave him a better world. Getting back to life made him appreciate how priceless it was to be there again.

“I love you,” he sobbed with the faintest of breaths, and he held Teddy close to his heart. Teddy gripped Remus’s sweater as if that were his way of saying ‘I love you too, dad’.

Another hand touched his shoulder gently. Remus looked up and met Andromeda’s mournful and yet dignified gaze. He did his best to stop crying.

“Andromeda,” he faltered, “Dora, she…”

“I know,” she replied sternly, “I knew I’d lost her the moment she left the house.”

“I’m so, so sorry. I told her not to come–”

“She couldn’t leave it to you. You know what she… was like.” Andromeda’s eyes were sunken with a pain so deep it was impossible even to try imagining it, and yet she wasn’t short of pride and fierceness. She spoke with her back straight and her voice clear. “But my daughter didn’t die in vain. She died a hero, like her father and all the people we are about to commemorate. Her son will know what his mother has done for him.”

“He will,” assured Remus, “He will, Andromeda, I promise.”

They hugged, Teddy like a soft pillow between them. Things had improved some between him and Andromeda since the day Teddy was born, although they were still a little bit stiff around each other. She had been a terrific grandma so far.

Then Remus heard his mother-in-law hold her breath. “Merlin’s beard,” she said, pulling away. She was looking at something behind Remus. “It’s true, then…”

“So it seems. Hi, Andy.”

“Sirius.” Andromeda ran to him and pulled him into another bear hug.

They stayed like that for a while, Andromeda savouring that little ray of happiness in an otherwise awful day to remember. She greeted Harry and shook hands with James and Lily, who offered their condolences. They gave her first-hand details about their return and informed her that her other cousin, Regulus, had also come back with, it seemed, a brand new personality.

“Sorry if I ran off,” said Remus, approaching the group while still carrying Teddy.

“Never mind,” Lily dismissed with a smile, coming closer. “So this is the sweet thing of yours?”

“Yes. This is Teddy,” Remus said, matching her smile.

“Oh, he’s adorable! James, come and see!”

James joined them with a little jog, followed by Harry, and grinned pleasantly watching Teddy. “Moony, he looks quite like you.” He slid a finger under one of Teddy’s little hands, who squeezed it. “Hi, little one,” he chirped while the baby observed him carefully. Teddy wrinkled his little button nose, sniffing intently to grasp the scent of those unknown people. Remus stroked Teddy’s forehead and smiled fondly, his heart lighter than it had been in ages. James and Lily were cradling his son, something he wouldn’t have imagined in a million years.

“Look how he works his little nose,” said Sirius cheerfully, coming over with Andromeda. Remus couldn’t help but look up, cherishing the moment of Sirius (his Sirius) meeting Teddy (his son). He hoped he didn’t look too smitten for Andromeda’s benefit. After a quick glance towards Remus, Lily sensibly tugged James, and they and Harry retreated to talk with the Weasleys and Andromeda.

Sirius was amazing with kids, they all knew that. Even though they had been on a sort of break when Harry had been born, they’d still seen plenty of each other, and Remus remembered clearly how great Sirius had been with his godson – and the first-time parents; how he’d been able to fill in for Lily when she had been exhausted; how he’d always managed to calm James down when he’d been going paranoid; how he’d been at ease with Harry, and how he, Harry, had always been thrilled to spend some time with his godfather. Remus perfectly knew what to expect… but seeing Sirius interact with his own child was another experience entirely.

Sirius leaned towards Teddy, his expression so enraptured it made his features ten times more beautiful. He smiled and stroked Teddy’s little nose, hovering his hand before his mouth.

“Hello, little cub,” he whispered tenderly while Teddy got familiar with his scent too. Sirius could understand his feral side better than anyone else, except for Remus – that very Remus who was in the stratosphere now. He struggled not to melt along with his dopey smile. “He does look like you,” Sirius said, “but his face is shaped just like Tonks’s.”

“Yeah,” Remus managed to croak, his voice thick with adoration, his love for Teddy and Sirius almost overwhelming him.

“You’re beautiful,” Sirius cooed, pecking Teddy gently on one cheek, “just like your dad,” he added in a murmur at the baby’s ear.

“Stop it,” Remus murmured back without meaning it the slightest bit. He stifled a smile. Sirius stood up and cast him the happiest, blissful look on earth. Remus forgot how to breathe for a couple of seconds and clung to Teddy.

So this was going to be his life from now on. No more wars, just raising Teddy; spending days with James, Lily, and Harry; being with Sirius. Could it be? Could Remus dare to hope for something good for once, something that would bring happiness, even if it was tinged with a hint of bittersweetness? Of course, he was still a werewolf, and he would have always had problems with finding a decent occupation, but at least those were his personal issues. He could endure that.

He felt tired, emotionally drained, guilty, but calm. His instinct told him he could allow himself to believe everything would be ok that time, for they all had paid the toll for a second occasion with their lives.

And, when the latest attendees arrived, and McGonagall ushered the crow to take a seat for the function was about to start, Remus understood he could do it. He could believe.

The sun had already disappeared behind the trees of the Forbidden Forest by the time the function was over. During those hours, when Teddy wasn’t asleep and started to get a bit restless, he was lovingly passed around between Andromeda, Lily, James, and Sirius, to give Remus’s arms a while to rest. They all quietly strove to keep the little baby entertained without disturbing the ongoing function. Eventually he fell asleep again in Sirius’s lap, nestling against his neck, and Sirius used his long hair to shield him from the light and allow Teddy to take a proper nap. He had that small, tender smile on his lips again while he cradled the baby, and Remus felt his eyes prickle. One could’ve thought he must’ve run out of tears by that time; not apparently so.

The ceremony took a long time because so many wanted to speak and say something to pay homage to those who had sacrificed themselves in the Hogwarts Battle and the Second Wizarding War. Harry reluctantly took the word and gave a linear, detailed speech in which he told the audience about Dumbledore’s plan and Snape’s role in it to recognise their war effort – especially Snape’s.

“I might be the one who practically defeated Voldemort,” Harry said, “but I managed it only because I’ve been helped. I’ve been helped since the day my parents sacrificed themselves for me. Severus Snape served these last eighteen years to watch me and protect me at great risk. He was Dumbledore’s man, and he did everything to ensure we had a chance to win and that I stayed alive to see this day and definitely destroy Voldemort. Let’s not forget these great men. Let’s acknowledge their sacrifice.”

The crowd was too stunned to speak and simply applauded, murmuring at this incredible news. James, Sirius and Remus listened with their mouths agape. Lily cried in silence – even though Harry had intently failed to mention the very reason for Snape’s doing.

Harry was bestowed with the prestigious Order of Merlin, First Class, alongside McGonagall (who was also offered the role of new Hogwarts Headmistress) and – much to his surprise – Remus himself. Ron and Hermione were also honoured with OM, Second Class, for their unwavering support to Harry’s mission. Many others were awarded, including Professor Flitwick and Neville, then they progressed to honour the late such as Tonks, Fred, and Snape. It was during this moment, almost at the end of the function, that Regulus joined them. He still looked pale and weak, but he was at least able to walk, and sat silently near Sirius, who nodded appreciatively to welcome him. Then, with a majestic display of wand sparkles jetted towards the sky with colourful rushes – green, red, gold, white, and blue – it was over. Remus cast a quick Muffliato for Teddy right before a glorious outburst of applause raised from the crowd and lasted for long minutes.

Chapter 5: Kiss me Goodbye

Chapter Text

The sun had completely set when they finally reached the main gates and were ready to leave. The Potters and the Blacks would head to Grimmauld Place, the Remus and Teddy to Andromeda’s, and Hermione to the Weasleys’; she had to go to Australia the next day to find her parents and give them their memory back. Harry offered to go with her, but Hermione insisted he stayed with his family. She would go with Ron, and Harry honestly thought they really needed some time alone.

Remus, Sirius, Lily and James kept their distance while Harry was saying goodbye to his friends. Regulus had already left with Kreacher, and Andromeda had taken Teddy and gone home too to make dinner. Harry was talking to Ginny right now, and the group didn’t fail to notice how close those two were. Harry said something to her and took her hand; Ginny hugged him, and one second later they were passionately kissing.

“Oh!” gasped Lily, not seeing it coming.

“Ginny’s quite cool,” Sirius said, smirking, “I had no idea they fancied each other, though.”

“Oh, Ginny’s been having a thing for Harry for ages,” Remus offered. “I’m glad he likes her back, she’s nice and clever and was pretty down when Harry was going out with that Ravenclaw girl.”

“Harry was going out wi–” Sirius started, bemused. “You know everything. Why do you always know everything?”

“’Cos people know I’m not a gossiper and tend to tell me things,” Remus teased. “And Molly really, really likes to talk about her children. The amount of information I retain about Percy against my will…”

“She’s pretty tough, huh?” said James, smiling while they watched Ginny hit Harry by the neck for some reason.

“Like father like son,” Sirius sing-sang.

“Excuse me,” said Lily primly, “I’m not tough.”

“Right, you’re scary. And a ginger.”

“Sirius Black, you just wait till I put my hands on a wand–”

“Don’t say that, what about James’s?”

“SIRIUS!!!”

Lily seemed ready to start chasing Sirius around, but James tackled her and propped her on his shoulder. “I’ll save you, Padfoot! Run, run for your life!”

“JAMES PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE!”

But James took her by the waist and raised Lily above his head, starting running laps around them. “Air jail for trying to chase our dog, missy!”

“OI!” barked Sirius, outraged, “WHO YOU JUST CALLED A DOG?!”

“You’re not exactly helping your cause here,” grinned Remus.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, distracted, following James’s movements.

“Never mind,” Remus shook his head fondly.

They were all looking at James and Lily. He had now come to a halt since Lily had started pulling his hair. “Put. Me. Down!” she demanded, but she was actually laughing.

“At your service, m’lady,” James complied, putting Lily back to the ground with a little bow. She raised her feet to reach and kiss him on the nose. Harry was watching them with deep elation and was clearly straining to hold back tears – but also was Sirius.

“I hadn’t realised how much I actually missed them,” Remus said quietly. “You know, you grow used to missing and mourning people, but you never get to feel the extent of it.”

“Tell me about it. I feel so happy I might–”

“… Die?” suggested Remus with a dark smirk.

“Nah. Been there, done that,” countered Sirius, “It ain’t for me yet.”

“No, you probably pissed Death off so much it had to postpone your departure a little longer just not to have you around right now.”

“Ha! You’re the one talking when obviously it couldn’t stand you for more than a couple of hours! At least I lasted a couple of years!”

They stared at each other in silence. Then they laughed, light-headedly.

“Are we ready to go?” Lily called from ahead.

“Yeah, you go ahead, I’ll come in a minute,” replied Sirius. Lily nodded and she the rest of the group continued walking towards the Hogsmeade station – they were going to apparate from there.

“So,” started Sirius, turning back to Remus, “we’re seeing you tomorrow, right? We’re going to Diagon Alley, Ollivander said he’s reopening the shop and me and the Prongs need new wands.”

“Of course,” nodded Remus, “Let’s make it three in the afternoon at the Leaky Cauldron, so we can all sleep as much as we want.”

“Fine by me. I reckon we’ll stay up all night talking, so it suits me perfectly.”

Remus smiled. “I bet you will.”

“So, uhm…” Sirius cleared his voice quite sheepishly, “Try to have a good night, ok? No overthinking, no depressive thoughts.”

“That’s some expectations you have.” Remus got closer and squeezed Sirius’s hand. “But I will try. Promise. For you, anyway.”

Sirius stroked the other man’s cheek with a thumb. “Good boy.”

“Oi, that’s my line.”

“Says who?”

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Evidence?” he replied cheekily.

Sirius shook his head, chuckling. “Ok, I really need to go before I’ll do something that will keep us both here.”

“Fine.” Remus pulled him for a last kiss. “Good boy,” he whispered with a titled smile against Sirius’s lips.

“Moony…”

“Ok, go on then, go home. See you tomorrow,” Remus laughed, then smiled softly. “Love you,” he added.

Sirius grinned. “Love you too, ma lune.”

He ran towards the others. Remus watched until they all were out of sight. He waited for the tell-tale CRACK of apparition and then proceeded to apparate himself back home. It had been a long, long day.

It was late night, or super-early in the morning; it depended on how you looked at it. Remus was fiddling with several phials and a small cauldron in which he’d previously poured a flask of perfectly-brewed Draught of Living Death – he knew it was fine because it wasn’t him who’d prepared it, it was Andromeda. Remus had nicked the Draught from her potion cupboard a few hours ago, when he’d made up his mind about what he was about to do.

He needed to talk to Dora, or he couldn’t go on. He had started realising it during the function and the thought had become progressively more urgent as the day trailed off. Remus really meant what he’d said to Sirius about not wanting to waste that second occasion, but he needed to be sure that Dora would have been ok with him being back with Sirius and his intentions about Teddy. He could put up with people judging his choices behind his back if it was at least sure Tonks had given him the green light. The fact was, Nymphadora was still pretty much dead, and usually you couldn’t talk to dead people – unless you possessed the Resurrection Stone, but Harry had dropped it in the Forbidden Forest and intentionally left it there. Also, the Stone seemed to be Unsummonable. Remus had tried before leaving Hogwarts, but achieved nothing.

Fortunately, his father knew a few tricks thanks to his experience with non-human spiritous apparitions and had concocted a way to contact the dead in extreme cases, for which Remus’s got the recipe. It was a pretty dangerous and not-to-take-lightly method, one you should approach only if you were dextrous enough to because it could go wrong pretty easily and end with your very early death. It involved a Draught of Living Death perched up with some Rotten Head Mushrooms, something organic from the dead person you wanted to establish contact with, thirteen belladonna berries harvested on the thirteenth day before Samhain, and seven droplets of your own spit; all mixed up together and added to the Draught, stirred with a 4/4 time for nine minutes and thirty-six seconds, then left to rest for six minutes sharp and swallowed right away.

Remus knew what he was risking, but it was worth it. It was make it or break it now, he must talk to Dora. He prayed some undefined force to have prepared the Deadlish flawlessly – that’s how his father had renamed his invention – to see the sun rising another day, and he drank it.

He didn’t feel anything at first. He was there, sitting with crossed legs on the wooden floor of his unlit bedroom, an ear to Teddy’s asleep, relaxed breathing in the room next to his. Oh god, oh god, please tell me I didn’t f*cked it up. It would have been utterly ridiculous. He, Remus Lupin, resurrected by Death itself, the very first werewolf bestowed with the Order of Merlin, First Class, found dead again just the following night for trying and reach his dead wife to basically ask her permission to get back together with the love of his life, his true and only, his soulmate, the man he wanted to what – to ask raising his son together? To marry?! What if Dora said no? It would have been peak irony. Remus would have had all eternity to ask for her approval if he were going to die for that. The thought made him snigg*r foolishly. That stupid Deadlish thing wasn’t even working – Deadlish – what a silly name – you could count on Lyall Lupin to come up with something like that, really–

And just like that Remus collapsed on the floor, senseless.

He found himself in a beautiful meadow, with huge birch trees all around. The tree branches rustled quietly, casting their shadows on the ground. Dora was standing in front of him. She smiled softly.

“Hello, Remus. It’s nice of you to pay me a visit,” she said.

“Oh sh*t. It worked,” was the first thing he said. Then the fact he was actually talking to Tonks hit him. “Dora, oh dear, I’m so, so sorry…”

He covered the gap between them and squeezed her heartily. She hugged him back, resting her brow against his chest.

“I’ve got a message from your mum,” said Tonks, quietly. “She says she loves you and hopes to see you again as late as possible.”

“My… mum?”

“Yeah. When I felt you were calling for me she insisted I gave you her message,” Dora explained. She was calm, calmer than she’d ever been. Too calm. It was unnerving.

“You… how are you?” Remus asked tentatively, pulling away and watching her carefully.

“I’m fine. More than fine, actually. Everything is so… so serene, here.” Her hair was a gorgeous shade of midnight blue that seemed to sparkle like stars. Her eyes were a soft grey hazel but lacked that cheerful twinkle that used to light them up. “And how are you? How’s Teddy?”

“I’m fine. We’re both fine,” he answered. “Listen, I don’t know how much time I have here, I–”

“I know why you came, Remus,” Tonks interrupted him, again with that little, enigmatic smile on her lips. “C’mon, let’s have a walk.”

Remus complied, still unsure about how to act. They started strolling leisurely through the meadow. Fortunately for him, Tonks chose to go straight to the point.

“I don’t think you remember it, but we were all discussing the same topic before you came back to life,” she offered.

“Uh? We were all discussing?” he repeated.

Tonks smirked. “Yeah, all of us. You, Sirius and me, even though the discussion was between me and Sirius, mostly.”

“Wha– what kind of discussion?” Remus asked, astonished.

“Oh, the best criteria to share you between the two of us,” she said lightly, watching the tree branches above her head, “since neither me nor Sirius intended to endure a three-way relationship – you can be dead, but you don’t stop being related, y’know. And he’s not really my type, as well as I’m not his.”

“Wait.” Remus came to a halt and watched her, eyes wide. “You and Sirius were trying to find a way to share me between the two of you?! Here?! In the afterlife or whatever this is?!”

“Precisely,” Tonks nodded, unfussed. “See, when you have all eternity in front of you, you have to know how to play your cards right.”

“That’s insane.” Remus shook his head. “Also, ‘Sirius Black don’t share’,” he quoted.

“Oh, he was willing to. I know you don’t remember it, but it was his idea in the first place.”

“What?!”

“Guess he really didn’t want to lose you, no?” Dora said, shrugging. “I didn’t want it either.”

“Dora,” murmured Remus, “I need to know if you’re ok with this. With me and Sirius.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because you died yesterday and the first thing I did after coming back to life with him was kissing him, and telling him I loved him, and it’s like I don’t give a sh*t about you, and–”

“And do you?” Tonks asked lightly, as if he were a silly boy on a tantrum, “You don’t give a sh*t about me?”

“You know I do! You know I do care about you – I love you, but–”

“So what’s the fuss about, Remus?”

He hushed, breathing heavily. Nymphadora was still looking at him with that unfazed gaze, beaming gently. “You really are ok with it, aren’t you.”

“I am,” she nodded. “Listen, I knew what your feelings were when I was telling you I wanted to be with you. I knew Sirius was there first. I knew you loved Sirius and that you would’ve been loving him forever more than you loved me. I was ok with this and I still am, and I’m sincerely happy that you can be together for a little more. I mean it.”

Remus stared at her for several minutes. He sighed. “I don’t know how you do this. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve life. I don’t deser–”

“Oh, shut up,” she stopped him, rolling her eyes. “Babe, your life has been sh*te most of the time. You suffered far more than most of the people, experienced very little happiness and died far too young. Now you’re being gifted with a second occasion, you’d be an idiot if you spent it punishing yourself for loving someone and not mourning me enough according to your personal standards.”

Remus couldn’t bring himself to watch her in the eye one second more. Tonks came closer and lifted his head with a hand, looking at him fondly. “I am glad for every minute I spent with you. I am glad for Teddy, and I don’t regret anything. I can see your heart, Remus, and I love what I see. You’re a good man. You have my blessings and I wish nothing but happiness for you, Sirius, and my baby boy. I just ask you a little favour.”

Remus felt hot, salty tears roll down his cheeks. His sight was blurred and his heart was about to explode. He grabbed Dora’s hand. “Anything.”

“Tell Teddy his mum loves him so much. Tell him every day.”

“I will,” Remus cried quietly. “I will, dear, I will.”

“Good.” Nymphadora hugged him tight, and he could feel her emotion this time. He continued crying, holding her and resting his head on top of hers.

Then, after a while, he dared ask the question. “Would it be ok for you if I wanted to marry him? To raise Teddy with him?”

“Of course. But please remind that tosser that as soon as you set foot here again the game is back on .”

Remus caught himself chuckling. “I’m a lucky man.”

“You really are, for once. And we’ve both been lucky to meet you.”

Remus kissed her forehead and stroked her cheek. “I love you. Don’t forget it.”

“Oh, I won’t, that’s my main argumentation against Sirius’s,” she joked.

“Please, tell me, how was the arrangement going to work?”

“We’d almost set on switching at every moon cycle, for the symbolism, but then you and the others have been called back among the living.”

“Sounded pretty reasonable, though.”

“Either that or we would’ve got along with you going back and forth between us at the same time.”

“Damn,” grimaced Remus, “why would you endure such a thing?”

“’Cos we both love you too much to give up on you.” Tonks smiled and kissed him. “We’d do anything for you.”

Remus wondered again how come he’d got so lucky, how come people were so keen to go through the most painful experiences just for his sake – the Marauders becoming animagi, Tonks wanting him despite he was a werewolf and ever-so-in-love with Sirius, Tonks being ok with him getting back with Sirius the moment they’d come back to life, Tonks and Sirius ready to embark on a sort of polygamous relationship in the afterlife, with Remus in the middle, just not to lose him. It was ridiculous. He was just a selfish son of a bitch who didn’t deserve the slightest bit of all that love.

“I know what you’re thinking, you idiot,” Dora chastised him. “Let me get this through for you: it’s not your choice how people decide to love you. You never forced or tricked any of us into doing anything. You’re not being selfish. You’d be forever alone and sorry if we’d left it to you, so don’t you even start.”

“But…” Remus did start.

“You tried to kill yourself after Sirius died. You avoided me for a whole year before accepting I loved you no matter what because you wanted to spare me the stigma, and Merlin knows what you’re risking now just to come here and talk to me. The second you finally start being reasonable, you tell yourself you’re a bastard even though evidence clearly suggests otherwise. Stop it, Remus,” she sighed, “stop punishing yourself just because in your twisted mind you think you deserve to suffer.”

“I…”

“Promise me,” Tonks demanded, “Promise me, or I’ll haunt you for the rest of your life and every piece of chocolate you’ll eat from now on will taste like sh*t.”

“Fine! Fine, I promise,” Remus gave up, laughing despite himself.

“You better, ‘cos you’re about to go back,” she informed him.

“Yeah, think so.” Remus was feeling dizzy, as if his senses were awakening somewhere in the distance.

“Can I have a goodbye kiss?”

And Remus kissed her. He kissed her so softly, so gently, as if she were made of glass. When he woke up on the floor, his cheeks were streaked with tears, and he could still taste her on his lips.