Hospitalised in intensive care for four days in 2020 as she waited to find out her prognosis after being diagnosed with cancer, all Tracey Emin could think of was her career.
Thankfully, the outcome was not terminal, and though the famed British artist, 60, had her urethra removed, a hysterectomy, lymph nodes, bladder, part of her bowel, urinary tract, and half of her vagin* removed, she can say she survived bladder cancer.
As is usual for people with life-threatening conditions, Tracey reassessed her life following her diagnosis - which later saw her move back to Margate, ditch her 50-a-day smoking habit, and shine a spotlight on her 'snobbish' tendencies, she has revealed.
Perhaps most important for the 60-year-old was that she re-evaluated her career and decided that there was no better time than the present to make her mark in the world of art.
In conversation with The Guardian, she said: 'I was in intensive care and waiting for the prognosis – whether I was going to live or not. I had four days to wait and... the biggest thing was I didn't want to die being some mediocre YBA artist from the 90s.'
When Tracey Emin (pictured) was diagnosed with bladder cancer, she knew she had to make her mark in the world of art
Today she is grappling with the exhausting after-effects of cancer, but Tracey has stayed true to her word. Her latest exhibition, By the time you see me there will be nothing left, is made of paintings created entirely after her cancer diagnosis.
The collection's name references the precarious nature of cancer and how she underwent seven and half hours of surgery to remove her body parts. However, she makes light of the situation and says: 'Whatever, it's cool!'
Tracey has made a series of other changes to her lifestyle, including waving goodbye to alcohol and cigarettes.
'When you think you've got six months to live, you really don't want to have a hangover or forget what happened the night before. You need every single moment,' she said.
Now that she's stopped chain-smoking, the 60-year-old claimed she can see her surroundings with greater clarity, a change she has likened to a rebirth.
Cancer also forced an unpleasant realisation for Tracey - she had become a person she no longer wanted to be.
She said: 'When I was young, I was eager and hungry and excited and learning at art school. And then there was this middle bit where I was just this complete t***. The lowest of the low.'
In her 40s, fame and glittering red carpet events made her into somebody she no longer recognised. It was a change her late mother, Pamela Cashin, who passed in 2016, also witnessed in her daughter.
Following her cancer diagnosis, Tracey had her urethra removed, a hysterectomy, lymph nodes, bladder, part of her bowel, urinary tract, and half of her vagin* removed
The artist made a series of realisations as she waited for her cancer prognosis, including that she wanted to establish herself as a profound artist
Tracey's awareness of the situation confirmed to her that she must rediscover herself. She no longer wanted to be a 'snob', and instead sought to revive the working-class girl from Kent who was obsessed with art.
In doing so, she moved back to her homeland and re-experienced the joys of Margate, and now, she's never felt better about where she lives.
When she looks back at her career since her diagnosis, Tracey can rest assured that she will not be remembered as a just YBA (Young British Artist) from the 90s.
Instead, she is perceived as an artist with a series of memorable works, not to mention her efforts in opening an art school in Margate to redefine the seaside town as an artist's refuge.
WHAT IS BLADDER CANCER?
Bladder cancer is caused by a tumour developing in the lining of the bladder or the organ's muscle.
Around 10,200 new cases are diagnosed in the UK each year and 81,400 people in the US, according to figures.
It is the 10th most common cancer in the UK - but a little more prevalent in the US - and accounts for about three per cent of all cases.
The cancer is more common in men and has a 10-year survival rate of about 50 per cent. Around half of cases are considered preventable.
Symptoms of the disease include blood in the urine, needing to urinate more often or more urgently than normal and pelvic pain.
However, unexpected weight loss and swelling of the legs can also be signs of the killer disease.
Smoking and exposure to chemicals in plastics and paints at work can increase the risk of getting bladder cancer.
Treatment varies depending on how advanced the cancer is, and may include surgery, radiotherapy or chemotherapy.
Source: NHS Choices
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Tracey revealed that she got the 'all clear' last September.
The artist shared a picture of herself in her hospital gown about to go for her CT scans alongside a lengthy caption where she admitted she was 'very happy' and glad to be alive.
She found she had a tumour in her bladder in June 2020 and was suffering with very aggressive squamous cell cancer, which surgeons feared would kill her in months if it spread to her lymph nodes.
Tracey announced she was over two years sober and confessed she missed her removed organs, but declared: 'There's so much more to me than a hole'.
She wrote: 'ALL CLEAR. At the hospital about to have my CT scans and see my Surgeon.
'It doesn't mater how cool and stoic I am, inside I'm filled with worry. This time because I'm happy, this time because I feel well... I'm scared to say I'm happy. But I am, my life is so much better, I'm stronger and clearer.
'I've been sober for 27 months and each day life becomes more interesting and I find myself caring and taking more interest in everything that's around me.
'I have to be honest.. I wish I had my bladder (a good working one that wasn't riddled with cancer) I don't give a f*** about my womb or breeding apparatus.
'But I really miss my vagin*, my urethra and those bloody little lymph nodes that kept everything tickity boo..
'But Today hearing I have the all clear... Makes me very happy and feel good to be alive. There's so much more to me than a hole.'
Prior to her cancer surgery, Tracey said she stayed up for 24 hours with her solicitor rewriting her will.
She then sent an email to 70 friends breaking the news of her cancer and instructing them: 'Do not contact me'.
She has been left with a stoma bag as a result of having 'half my body chopped out' and is sadly still struggling to paint.
Traceysaid in April 2021: 'I'm not painting because I'm using my willpower to stay alive. That's what I'm doing.'
The 60-year-old has created a new collection of art - By the time you see me there will be nothing left (seen in 2022)
Tracey, best known for works such as her unmade bed and the tent Everyone I Have Ever Slept With, added she hoped to return to painting in the future.
'I never realised how much I wanted to live until I thought I was going to die,' she said after learning a year ago that doctors had successfully removed all of the cancer.
But it did not stop Tracey from feeling 'very happy', saying last year:'I'm doing brilliant, I'm doing so well.
'I'm so happy and I'm just taking every day as it comes and I'm just so happy to be alive because there was quite a strong expectation that I wasn't going to make it through Christmas.
'And I am going to make it to Christmas and the next Christmas and the next one.
'That's what I'm aiming for, so I'm feeling really happy and good and I just wish the world would get better. I wish the world would catch up with me on this one.'
Tracey continued: 'It could've been very, very different so I'm so grateful.
'My surgeon and the team are calling me a miracle woman because I just sort of like jumped up and got back into everything.
'Maybe at the beginning a little bit too fast... because I was back in bed for a month again. But now I'm balancing things and being more cautious.
'I want to live forever. I want to do my art, I want to have more exhibitions, there's things to do... and I had to think 'I'm not going to be doing it'. I had to come to terms with that.'
Tracey compared her operations to having a child or gender reassignment surgery. She also revealed she had been working on a painting of a malignant lump before doctors discovered the tumour on her bladder.
Tracey is one of the most well-known British artists of her generation, famous for her notorious work My Bed, Tracey's record of several days spent in bed in the grip of depression.
The bed is unmade and the sheets are stained, while a variety of items such as condoms, contraceptive pills, underwear stained with menstrual blood, money, and cigarette ends are strewn on the floor.
The work was nominated for the Turner prize in 1999 and received a hugely mixed response from the public and press
She was one of the so-called Young British Artists who emerged in the 1990s, along with Damien Hirst and Sarah Lucas.
Highlights of Tracey Emin's career
1995, Everyone I Have Ever Slept With 1963-95: This piece first brought Tracey Emin to wider fame, both in the art world and among the general public
1999, My Bed:The piece is Emin's record of several days spent in bed in the grip of depression. The bed is unmade and the sheets are stained. All around are strewn a variety of items such as condoms, contraceptive pills, underwear stained with menstrual blood, money, and cigarette ends.The work was nominated for the Turner prize in 1999 and received a hugely mixed response from the public and press
2001,The Perfect Place to Grow:This work pays homage to the artist's Turkish Cypriot father who, she says, is a fantastic gardener but a terrible carpenter. It consists of a wooden birdhouse-like structure on wooden stilts
2004, Hate and Power Can be a Terrible Thing: This appliquéd blanket work is a blistering attack Margaret Thatcher, and her participation in the Falklands War of 1982
2011, I Promise To Love You:In the 2000s, Emin began working extensively with neon lighting. These works feature words and phrases in her handwriting. Pictured, 2011's neon sculpture I Promise To Love You
